It's so good to be home again. I enjoyed the lake and our family time a lot but it's awesome to sleep in my own bed and have my wireless access again. I had hoped to post a blog late last night, but by the time I drove home it was 1:30 am. (Thanks, Cindy, for riding back with me! You made the trip so much fun and I am so glad for the time with you!) Obviously - I couldn't keep my eyes open!
I am happy to report that I felt great at the lake. Mark and I had a little time alone on the golf course - he played and I drove!
I can tell the radiation is helping my leg. It's still weak and my gait is awkward, but I can sit squarely on my bottom again with no pain, cross my legs and be still for a long time and I've noticed that my pace has quickened over the past few days. In addition, turning over in bed and laying on my left side is a lot easier and doesn't make my leg ache.
I am feeling so good that I am planning to attend the Pink Night at Gateway tomorrow night. I've been looking forward to LAUGH since last year and I am so thrilled that I'm not going to miss it. Something happens inside of me when all those beautiful ladies start coming through the door. I just love it! Elisa told me today that it is a sell out crowd! How could I miss that? It's so strange to attend a Gateway women's event and have no responsibilities. I'll just be one of the girls - laughing and loving with a lot of friends.
I'm going to take a stab at returning to work for a couple of days next week. It's time to get Pink Impact up and moving again and I have to admit - I want to be right in the middle of the planning. Even though I have another round of chemo next Wednesday, I'm grateful that I have a couple of days to work with our team and whet my appetite for things to come.
Today brought another doctor check up (counts still up!) and a visit to a really sweet place in Plano called Survivorgals. There I had my wig shaped, brought it home
in a box, along with a whole kit of products to take care of it. My hair is beginning to shed a little today, which made me cry again. I feel a little bad because my mom was with me today and I made her sad because I was sad. At least we were sad together! Tonight Mark listened to my story about the wig and reminded me again about what is important. Next thing I knew Matthew was modelling it for me. First Matthew - then me! We laughed. How grateful I am that I can afford one and that it's custom cut just for me.
One of the most difficult side effects for me so far has been the blistering of my mouth. Earlier last week there was a time where I literally wondered if I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue if it would blaze like a fire breathing dragon. Someone said to me that chemo works like fire in your bones – burning the body from the inside out. The burning of my bones and tongue made me think about the purifying work happening deep in my body – the effects are a “sign” that the chemo is working. (Gives me a new appreciation for the instruction to give thanks in all things.)
Two times Mark and I have received prophetic words about fire. Someone once said there was a fire in our home – initially it was an unholy fire causing strife and contention – but God was transforming it and the fire in our home would be a holy fire drawing many. More recently someone said I am a spark, starting many small fires in thousands of places. On the other hand, Mark is a blaze – bringing light to all who come near. A spark doesn’t exist without a fire and a fire doesn't exist without a spark. Together, we make a roaring fire...
The Bible talks about two kinds of tongues of fire. James 3:5 says “... the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body."
I find I am a woman of unclean lips. It's like God has been placing a coal in my mouth, burning my tongue and purifying my heart. Surely my tongue is being tamed for God’s purposes. What is so painful now is developing a reverence in me for the capacity of my mouth to be a spark for good or for evil. Purifying from the marrow of my bones to the tip of my tongue for a purpose I can’t yet fathom. When His work is done in me, I am confident He will transform this natural tongue of fire for the supernatural one in Acts.
“They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.” Acts 2: 3-4 How I want to be a woman who's tongue is purified and speaks according to the Spirit.
Special prayer requests:
- Would you pray with me that every prophetic word spoken over our lives would come to pass? That we would be a light in dark places, that we would run hard after the things of God, that our children would outrun us in the Kingdom, that a gift for marriage and family and healing and deliverance would come to pass?
- Matthew leaves for church camp in the morning and by the time he gets back I will probably have lost my hair. I'm doing my best to prepare him - but it will still be a shock.
- I don't know how to be a good steward of the lavish, abundant, overflowing prayer and support that has been so graciously poured out on our behalf. My heart is humbled by the grace and broken by the thought that so many in my situation do not have the same kind of support. I want to share the overflow with others in need and I don't know how.
Hope to see so many of you soon - either at Laugh or work or worship or in the neighborhood or the grocery store or even in my own home or yours. I miss you terribly!