I’m on a path and I can see a destination in front of me. Everything in me is passionate to touch that destination. I am running and working with it in mind. I think the best and shortest path to that destination is a straight line. As I’m furiously pursuing the destination, suddenly I am sucked into a black hole. It’s as if I fell off the path into a place I can’t identify and I am free falling.
This place is so scary. It’s hard to navigate. I have no control. I can’t see and danger lurks everywhere. My arms and legs are out of control, I'm grasping for something to hold on to. No relief comes. I experience disorientation, disappointment, disillusionment and a sense of abandonment.
Many voices are speaking – not only the enemy, but even my own flesh. My ears grow more sensitive as my other senses are dulled. God’s voice is hard to hear. I catch a whisper here and there. My own self determination is slowly destroyed and I experience tremendous grief. I cry over the loss of my expectations to arrive at a destination I thought was in my grasp.
I accept the transition. Once I cease resisting, I begin to relax. Slowly I silence the enemy’s voice. Now I work on silencing my own flesh. I pray for understanding and breakthrough. I rest in the free fall. The hole is still dark, the grief is still real, but acceptance of the situation begins to come. In this position, I hear more clearly and I wait.
The black hole remains for an undetermined amount of time and holds many perils. When the testing is finally complete, God brings me out on the other side. I experience light and a sense of gravity. An uprightness returns to your body, soul and spirit. More disorientation, but now a sense of relief.
I am released to a new place, a new path. It is a path that I could not see before nor reach through any natural effort of my own. Now I begin again.