Uncovering Spiritual Manipulation and Trauma

Uncovering Spiritual Manipulation and Trauma with Dr. Cassie Reid

Featured during the October 2021 Brave Strong Girl Mentoring Chat

All kinds of spiritual abuse create trauma.

Every relationship, especially those that involve positions of authority, has the potential to abuse or manipulate.

In this Brave Strong Girl Mentoring Chat, Dr. Cassie Reid shares how to uncover manipulation and poor leadership in others, and in our own hearts, to prevent ongoing trauma.

Abuse recovery is not a destination. It’s a journey of healing.

How to help people heal from spiritual abuse:

• Identify the people who abused versus the general community. (One person/pastor/mentor does not mean an entire organization is corrupt or abusive.)

• Lean into grief. (It’s a grieving process to leave a church, lose a relationship or to experience a wound.)

• Deal with your own role in the experience. (What is it that allows you to be susceptible to spiritual abuse?)

• Regroup and Rebuild. (Don’t sit dormant! You had a loss to grieve and a need to rebuild.)

• Talk about it openly. (Find a safe person who is able to hear and understand; a therapist, a mentor or a friend.)

• Practice autonomy from any system. (It’s okay to want to be a part of something bigger than yourself, but maintain a sense of your own destiny.)

• Be brave and address behavior that feels wrong. (Ignoring bad behaviors can snowball into something that hurts you or others.)

• Do not judge trauma. (A poor response to someone who confesses can be more damaging than the abuse itself.)

• Deal with our own junk in the trunk! (What is your own trauma that might hinder you from seeing the signs of abuse?)

Dr. Cassie Reid

Dr. Cassie Reid is passionate about the synthesis of the clinical and spiritual in the field of therapy and beyond which includes her new organization, Church Rehab. It began as a vision in 2012 to provide a safe place for those in ministry, those hurt by ministry, and everyone in between.
Check it out, along with her blog site below:

“Our goal is the cure and prevention of spiritual abuse in the modern church.”

— Church Rehab

The Power of Mentorship

Guest Blog by

Marisa Donnelly

To find out more about this Brave Strong Girl Mentor, simply visit her mentor profile right here!

When you’re young, you (unfortunately) spend a good amount of your life wishing you could be somebody else. I remember being four and obsessing over my mom’s every move. Then I was six and taping Britney Spears posters to my bedroom door. Then I was twelve and idolizing Avril Lavigne, blasting her ‘S8ter Boi’ soundtrack on full volume while I got ready for school. 

There’s something about our youth that is so impressionable, so eager to soak up everything we can from the people who seemingly have it better than us, have it all together, have the ‘dream’ sort of life. 

As I’ve grown, my silly obsessions have been replaced with longings to grow my business, be a better and more present mother to my stepson, and expand my creative network. 

Even as an adult, I’ve been longing for mentorship, for connection, for guidance in this (often isolating and difficult) journey of life.

And truly, no matter how young or old you are, no matter the story you’ve written or the path you’ve walked, and no matter the things you believe or follow—we all need mentorship. We all need someone’s hand to hold, shoulder to lean on, or mind to brainstorm with.

Mentorship brings us closer to others—and to ourselves.

When we work with someone (in both the mentor and ‘mentoree’ seat) we uncover things about ourselves that we perhaps wouldn’t have found alone. We confess the pain and longing on our hearts, we break down our walls, and we recognize that it’s okay to trust people and be honest.

Mentorship heals old wounds.

As we process our emotions with someone else, we recognize where we hurt. We allow someone else to see us vulnerable, to ‘poke’ the bruises and stir up something inside of us that we were trying to bury. Although it hurts, we begin to talk, to process, and eventually, to heal.

Mentorship empowers us to new heights.

In mentorship with someone, you realize that there is far more that you are capable of. Whether you’ve been denying yourself the truth of your potential or you’ve been afraid to take the next step, when you work with and alongside someone, you become filled with joy, power, and purpose for the places you can go.

Mentorship opens doors.

Life is all about collaboration. I say this as a mother who has learned the house doesn’t function without everyone’s cooperation. I say this as a business owner who has recognized her flaws and shortcomings in running her own one-woman show. And I say this as a human, recognizing that the people I’ve coached and been coached by have opened doors, have built connections, and have created opportunities I didn’t realize were possible.

It all starts with a little nudge, a little faith, and a little bit of conversation.

Choose Life

While driving in bright and early this morning I prayed for God's grace to receive a negative report and be unmoved.  Numbers, words, and reports are all like debris in the wind to me.  They swirl and threaten and confuse.  Instead I asked myself, what has the Lord said?

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life,so that you and your children may liveand that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Deut. 30:19-20 (NIV)

The past few weeks have been really challenging for me.  I went through a few death days.  Every single place I turned it was like another puzzle piece that fit within a puzzle called death.  Each piece was clarifying a picture of doom.  With each additional piece I cried, considered, processed - even wondered if God was resisting me - if He was saying this is the end.

Sometimes my strengths become a weakness. I was processing with my gift of strategy, not my gift of faith.  As I read the land, the signpost and the options, I began to project the future.  My thinking became cloudy with despair, disappointment and fear. I was being invited to believe the lie that God was abandoning me on the field, in my football uniform (squared up) completely crushed and wounded.  I imagined Him looking at me with pity and turning away.  I was left defeated.  Dead.

As I type these words I am amazed at how easily I can be sucked into the lies of the devil.  All of that reasoning produced death in my thinking and aligned me to the wrong head. I was leaning on the wrong gift and slowly, surely surrendering my authority and my future.

Thank God that in His great love for me and in His wisdom, He has heard my cries.  He came to me in my pit of fear and accusation and sat with me.  He began providing an onslaught of life-changing, thought-revoking, mind- transforming images, prayers, and conversations. He allowed me to process those experiences with Him and gave me an opportunity to make a different choice.  I began to ask myself well "What has God said?"

He said square up and fight from a position of rest.  He said the battle belonged to Him and that if I would wait upon Him He would scatter, rout, and completely disperse my enemies. And finally, He said when I had done all He instructed to simply stand.  If he gave me all these strategies then He wants me to live.  My obedience will be the proof of my love and my trust in Him and Him alone.

I noticed it says all of heaven and earth are called as a witness against me. In my mind's eye, I see all the spectators of heaven and earth looking down into the pit where God and I are talking.  They are holding bated breath to see what I will do.  Then some shout choose life and others shout choose death.  I am in a gladiator ring where the outcome is sure.  Someone is going to die.  It is me?  Or is it cancer?  My decision at this moment is so important.  So...

I choose life and I choose it carefully, with a sober mind and thought.  This is not positive or wishful thinking. This is not believing that somehow I'm in charge of this situation. This is a faith-filled, anointed, authoritative decision to trust God more than I trust myself.

I choose life and when I choose it I also choose the blessing.  I choose to obey so that my children and I  will live.  I choose according to His goodwill so that I can love the Lord with my whole heart, hear his voice, and cling to Him.  I choose life because He is my life and he wants to give me many years in this land.

So with a little (a lot) of help from my friends, over the past few weeks, I've broken the curse and power of death over my life, broken a generational curse of early death in my family, and broken soul ties and alliances with the enemy again.  I've confessed my weakness, my doubt, my fear of abandonment, and received a fresh baptism of faith.  I obeyed over a situation that was terrifying and difficult.  I've had a greater vision and understanding of the term "square up" and I have decided...

I will live and not die and declare the works of the Lord. Psalm 118:17

So many of you have gone out of your way to let me know you are lifting me in prayer.  Can I invite you to declare life over me with new confidence?  I know the good report has yet to come, but it will come.  And please don't stare into your own pit of despair and let the spectators sway you. Christ is with you. Choose life. Choose blessing.

How to Pray for the Sick - Part #1

Here are five tips that will help you be more at ease, confident and powerful as you pray for the sick - especially for those who are very ill. These tips also apply to praying for those in crisis, trauma, grief or depression.

Whether you are making a hospital visit, praying in the midst of a group, serving at your local church altar or praying privately with another, you'll be well equipped to pray effectively.

(Watch for part 2 of this video blog series for the final five tips.)

How to Pray for the Sick - Part #2

Have you ever wanted to pray for someone but held back because you were nervous or unsure how to proceed? This video blog will help you.  Use these final five tips to make a great hospital visit, minister to someone in deep grief or discouragement or simply to improve your prayer manners. (If you missed the Vlog #1 which contains the first five tips on How to (and How Not to) Pray for the Sick, simply click here to catch up.) 

Peace is the Key to Sustainable Rest

Trusting God is good for your health.  Proverbs 3:15

When you trust God, you don't worry.  Psalm 116:7

A heart at peace, gives life to the body.  Proverbs 14:30

When God first instructed me to rest, I could only imagine that He was asking me to do less, to cease activity. This definition made sense because my body was under such physical assault, but I found physical rest was only the beginning. No amount of sitting down brought me the kind of rest mandated by the Lord.

God was asking me to go to a whole new level of trust, to really rest in his care of everything that concerned me. He wanted to be my defender, my advocate and my salvation. He wanted to give me peace.

Maybe you are like me, facing some significant challenges that are bigger than your ability to "work" your way out of. If so, I hope the following three things I learned about pursuing peace, will be a blessing to you.

The body needs rest but the mind needs truth.

As I began to recover my physical strength, I quickly realized that no amount of sleep was going to give me long-term peace. I could wake in the morning following a good night's sleep and find my heart in my throat, filled with anxiety and fear. The key to sustainable rest - the kind that heals the body and the soul - is to treat the mind with truth. Truth drives out fear and brings peace. Anxious? Read, study and memorize the Word of God.

A heart at peace gives life to the body.

There is something mystical about the body's healing power. When it is aligned with the will of God, it heals. This is true of a broken bone - when aligned - it will heal. This is also true of a broken heart. When it comes into agreement with the will and Word of God, there is a supernatural release that somehow provides a natural blessing. We underestimate the power of agreeing with God about who we are and who He is. Daily, I set my heart back in alignment so that it may rest. This rest produces a spring of peace. When my heart is at peace, my body (or my circumstance) is able to begin to heal - to even recuperate.

While we rest at peace God works.

I have perceived rest as wasted time. I've even been so arrogant as to perceive sickness as a weakness of character. This has been a form of judgment against myself and others. Learning that my lack of production does not decrease my value in the eyes of God, has been a game changer. When I can do nothing, God still works on my behalf. His favor and love are not a reward reserved for good performance, but rather a gift that constantly blesses my life. I'm finally learning that if I will rest in peace, He will make a way for me.

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