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One Good Girlfriend Can Change Your Life
For most of my life, my soul was too influenced by culture, wounded by circumstance, and calloused by selfishness to see the incredible women around me. (Excerpt from Women at War)
I am extremely blessed to have a lot of great girlfriends, but that hasn’t always been the case.
For most of my life, my soul was too influenced by culture, wounded by circumstance, and calloused by selfishness to see the incredible women around me. Since I had no brothers or sisters, everything I learned early on about peer relationships developed in a school setting. As a teenager, I ran with a group of girls who competed for the attention of boys, stabbed one another in the back, and walked away when a friendship was inconvenient.
I’m sure I was the leader of the pack.
I didn’t hate girls—I just didn’t know them, and I certainly didn’t trust them.
I managed to have lots of superficial relationships and spent most of my time with boys. As I grew older, I protected myself from other girls, sought value and affirmation from work and men, and generally rejected my own gender’s offer of help or friendship.
My view of women began to change in 1991, when God brought the most amazing gift into my life.
Her name was Lee Ann.
One afternoon, Lee Ann knocked on my door and welcomed me to the neighborhood. I don’t know how she got past all my prickly edges, but she did. She helped me find a babysitter, encouraged me to attend the local block party, invited Mark and me over to play cards, and became my best walking buddy.
There was something different about her.
First of all, she was consistently kind. She never said an ugly word about anyone. In addition, she was innately optimistic. She looked at every situation with a certain expectation of a positive outcome.
Over the years, Lee Ann loved me.
Slowly, sweetly, quietly, she melted my defenses.
Before I knew it, I loved her too.
She taught me a number of important things—like how to ask a deep question, how to listen, how to endure hardship, how to believe the best of others, how to present Jesus without religious trappings or heavy condemnation. She showed me how to love my husband, and how to speak to my daughter with kindness.
She didn’t do any of these things with an attitude of instruction. She simply modeled grace, spoke hope, and remained faithful. She mentored me before I even knew what the word meant.
She made me glad to be a woman.
That one friendship transformed my life.
A longing for authentic, rich, uplifting relationships with women seeped into my bones. I wanted to be for other women what Lee Ann was to me: a good friend who became a catalyst for change and pointed the way to Jesus Christ.
*Excerpt from
Women at War
“If you catch the principles that Jan outlines in this book and apply them to your own life, there is no telling what God can do in and through you.”
Robert Morris, Senior Pastor, Gateway Church
“Jan points us to a better way — a way of peace, encouragement and mutual strength…”
Kari Job Carnes, Dove and Grammy awarded worship recording artist
Peace is the Key to Sustainable Rest
The key to sustainable rest - the kind that heals the body and the soul - is to treat the mind with truth.
Trusting God is good for your health. Proverbs 3:15
When you trust God, you don't worry. Psalm 116:7
A heart at peace, gives life to the body. Proverbs 14:30
When God first instructed me to rest, I could only imagine that He was asking me to do less, to cease activity. This definition made sense because my body was under such physical assault, but I found physical rest was only the beginning. No amount of sitting down brought me the kind of rest mandated by the Lord.
God was asking me to go to a whole new level of trust, to really rest in his care of everything that concerned me. He wanted to be my defender, my advocate and my salvation. He wanted to give me peace.
Maybe you are like me, facing some significant challenges that are bigger than your ability to "work" your way out of. If so, I hope the following three things I learned about pursuing peace, will be a blessing to you.
The body needs rest but the mind needs truth.
As I began to recover my physical strength, I quickly realized that no amount of sleep was going to give me long-term peace. I could wake in the morning following a good night's sleep and find my heart in my throat, filled with anxiety and fear. The key to sustainable rest - the kind that heals the body and the soul - is to treat the mind with truth. Truth drives out fear and brings peace. Anxious? Read, study and memorize the Word of God.
A heart at peace gives life to the body.
There is something mystical about the body's healing power. When it is aligned with the will of God, it heals. This is true of a broken bone - when aligned - it will heal. This is also true of a broken heart. When it comes into agreement with the will and Word of God, there is a supernatural release that somehow provides a natural blessing. We underestimate the power of agreeing with God about who we are and who He is. Daily, I set my heart back in alignment so that it may rest. This rest produces a spring of peace. When my heart is at peace, my body (or my circumstance) is able to begin to heal - to even recuperate.
While we rest at peace God works.
I have perceived rest as wasted time. I've even been so arrogant as to perceive sickness as a weakness of character. This has been a form of judgment against myself and others. Learning that my lack of production does not decrease my value in the eyes of God, has been a game changer. When I can do nothing, God still works on my behalf. His favor and love are not a reward reserved for good performance, but rather a gift that constantly blesses my life. I'm finally learning that if I will rest in peace, He will make a way for me.
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