The Inside Job That Drives You to Community

Guest blog by Jamie Stapleton

When I was four years old, my mom fled an abusive relationship.

One sunny afternoon, we crammed everything we could into her little car and hightailed it from Virginia to Texas.

Over the years, memories of the room I occupied would come to the surface, especially one toy in particular - a beautiful ballerina that twirled to music when you turned her metal knob.

Life moved on in Texas, we put down roots, and I began to grow up. I did not pay any further attention to that part of life, thinking it was forgotten…until it wasn’t.

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Today, I work in the corporate world, attend college and care for my children. I love Jesus and have a passion to minister the hope and healing I have found in Him to others. My youngest daughter is wrapping up her final week as a four-year-old, and I am reminded that it is only a matter of time until she experiences heartbreak and pain from this life. I’ve been learning that what I choose to do with my pain now will, in large part, condition her on how to handle her own.

Recently, I was attending my Biblical Counseling class via Zoom, which has become a regular occurrence. During one session my professor told us that early in her own ministry she helped a woman flee an abusive relationship. As she described how this woman had to escape from Washington to California to begin a new life, hot tears filled my eyes. The emotion of that long ago, seemingly forgotten event suddenly burst to the surface.

Once the tears started, it seemed like they would never stop.

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No one is immune to the effects of sin and a broken world. We have all experienced hardship, pain, turmoil, and loss in our own distinct and unique ways.

God never intended for us to hide in shame or despair or for the pain and brokenness of sin to permeate our lives. We can look back to the garden to see even after Adam and Eve took of the apple and invited sin into the world, God was immediately calling them out of hiding and preparing a way for restoration.

The blessing in the pain is that if we turn to God, He will give us the grace to help others in similar situations. 2 Corinthians 1:4 tells us that He comforts us in our troubles so that we can then comfort others. Together, we then rip the power from the enemy to use that part of our lives to torment us.

Here are some things I am learning about how to process my own personal pain that I hope will be a blessing to you.

1. It’s an Inside Job

The saying “do the work” has become more than a mantra; it is a plea to a culture that looks down on suffering and desires a quick fix to life’s deepest trials. To confront the places in our lives that require healing, we must be willing to endure the pain that those memories will bring.

We are not people who like pain, but growing pains are an unavoidable part of life. When we are willing to do the work, when we are eager to grow, we tell ourselves (and our legacy) that we (and they) are worth it.

Therefore, I am facing the “inside job” of my own healing.

2. Time Reveals

Rather than processing our pain right away, most of us try to bury it, pretending it doesn’t exist. We have all heard the statement “time heals all wounds”, but I disagree. I believe that instead “time reveals“ all wounds.

It took me thirty-seven years to become aware of my own deep wound that needed healing. How long did it take you?

3. Community Too!

Some say that Jesus is all they need, and then use that mindset as an excuse to wrestle alone with their pain without seeking someone for help.  We need Jesus and we need one another. These are not mutually exclusive events, but they are both necessary to walk in the fullness and abundance that Christ intended us to have.

I believe that Jesus did the atoning work on the cross to remove the enemy’s power in our lives.  I also believe that He then turned and gave men and women the ability to help people walk out issues that come with living in a broken world.

Author and Bible teacher Christine Caine once said: “To the degree that you lean into the pain of recovery, is the degree that you will recover.” Leaning into the pain can look like prayer and a private conversation with a good mentor and sometimes leaning in can mean being courageous enough to take the time to meet with a counselor, therapist or small group.

No matter where you are right now, at some point, the pain of life will require you to lean in and do the work of healing.  My prayer is that you remember that you don’t have to walk it out alone.

Let what begins as an inside job drive you to your community for help. 

Don't Give Up

This morning I got up early and headed up to deck 10 to take a walk. Last year I sailed on this boat and I remembered how beautiful the morning sun was on the water. I took along my music, put on my sunglasses, new shoes and headed out the door As soon as I arrived on deck 10 and the doors slid open I felt a blast a wind hit my face. I headed out to the track and turned left. Immediately the wind hit my back, propelling me forward. I held onto my phone a little tighter as I realized the wind could whip it from my hand. As I got to the rear of the ship and passed across the back, I had a moment of reprieve as the night club on deck 11 blocked the wind.

Then I headed directly into the sun and the most intense windstorm.

It takes a lot more determination to walk when the wind is in your face. I had to lean in and press forward in order to make it all the way around the deck. It wasn’t as beautiful this time because I couldn’t really concentrate on the scenery because I was focusing on one foot in front of the other.

Then I rounded the front corner and the wind hit my back again. At first I thought this will be easier. But then a big gust came and I almost stumbled. I could feel the wind shove me forward, pressing me to go faster than I wanted to go.

Circle after circle around the deck I felt the wind swirl, blow and rage all around me. It made threatening noises and disturbed my peace. I put my eyes on the steps in front of me and just kept moving forward. I was determined to get my four laps in for the day.

As I walked I thought about how I’ve been feeling the past few days. As I am coming off the steroids I am experiencing the low that follows the high. I am easily tired and find myself crashing by mid-afternoon. Forget staying up late – it’s practically painful. To top it off, I’m still not sleeping through the night. I’m frustrated by my bodies lack of rebound and I just want to feel good. I find that a tired body speaks so loudly and constantly reminds me of my weakness.

it began to occur to me that my walk around the deck was a picture of how I am feeling in the spirit and a really good illustration of spiritual warfare.  In my own life, I feel the wind of resistance.  I can’t see it, but I can feel it. And just about the time I think I’ve broken through and gotten a reprieve, it seems I turn my face straight into the wind again. I have to build strength by overcoming the resistance and I have to be resolute in my determination to keep going.  I want it to be beautiful sunrises and great scenery but usually it's more like a threatening storm.

Spiritual warfare is a real thing. You have a real enemy. And he is relentless, cruel and sneaky. He wants you to struggle against the wind, striking at enemies you can’t see, being overcome by forces that are invisible. He wants to intimidate you and he wants to threaten you. He wants us to give up.

On lap three I glanced up and saw three friends right in front of me who were on their own walk. Suddenly I felt a little lighter and I was grateful to make my final lap with them. The wind, the noise and pressure bothered me so much less. I easily finished the final stretch.

Maybe you can relate to my spiritual walk. Maybe you been feeling like the wind is blowing you every which way and trying its best to knock you down, hold you back or force you to advance too quickly. You’ve been concentrated on staying on your feet and pressing through to the end goal.

Now look up.  All around us are encouragers and helpers - others on a similar journey - who are willing to walk with you.

I’m grateful for the grace of God in the midst of the storms of life. I find every morning He meets me with grace for today. (By the way – I have no grace for tomorrow or next week. I only have manna for today and that’s all you’ve got too.) Just when I want to give up or even consider believing a lie, he sends a friend to walk with me. Sometimes the friend is a sister, my husband or even my kids. Sometimes he reminds me I am never alone and the Holy Spirit is companion enough for me.

So I finished my four rounds, hurried back to my room and started drafting this note to you.

Remember, it’s just wind. Don't give up.  Just keep walking.