Ready for Action

Many of you know about the square up vision God gave me on the day that I knew the cancer had returned again, this time to my liver.  If you don't, you can read all about it on one of my original blogs entitled What Happened? This idea of squaring up - of getting into alignment with God's plans and preparing for the fight - have driven me for the past few months.  Every decision has been about agreeing with him.

I constantly see myself dressed out in my full pads, looking good in my uniform. (Remember this picture of my son Matthew? I pretend my uniform looks just this great on me.)  I imagine I am standing on the field in that strange crouch that Matthew assumes when the ball is about to be snapped.  My eyes search for any clue so I can sense what is about to happen.

I look across the offensive line and I see cancer is the quarterback.  It's making the calls and moving the ball.  Because I am in a defensive position,  I strive to anticipate cancer's game plan, read the play, and respond with great skill by sacking the quarterback, striping the ball from a running back or best of all, intercepting a pass.

Yet each time I see the enemy reach for the ball and step back into the pocket, I am frozen.  My teammates (those who pray for me) advance, but I standstill.  Suddenly, I am filled with doubt... "I am supposed to be in a position of rest.  The battle belongs to the Lord.  I'm waiting on Him.  Maybe I'm not supposed to be so aggressive.  I don't want to disobey or spend my energy when God wants to show off on my behalf."

At that moment, I imagine myself as an unseasoned player freaked out by the crowds, the noise, the pressure, the thoughts and I just stand there.  Here comes the offensive team - all 11 players (with names like fear, disappointment, discouragement, pain) - who simply crush me on the field.  Over and over again, I am flat on my back with a sense of shock wondering why I don't have a defender for the defender. With every snap of the ball, they take more territory and I am pushed back, closer, and closer to death.  What is going on?

I recently shared this story with a former NFL player hoping to get some insight.  I explained the situation and that I had determined the only way for me to win this battle was for me to move from the defensive team to the offensive team.  I had been praying God would show me how to get the ball for myself and put the enemy in the defensive position.  I'm tired of chasing cancer around my body.  I'm tired of negative reports.  I'm tired of a sense of helplessness.  I don't know how to walk out this square up word on the field of battle.

He looked me straight in the face and said, "So you think the devil has the ball?" As soon as he said it, I saw the foolishness of my reasoning.  He continued, "God has the ball.  He is leading the offensive team.  The devil is on the defense and he is the one getting creamed.  You are on the sidelines resting."

The responsibility of the defensive player while his offensive team is on the field is to recuperate, stay engaged, encourage his team mates and be prepared to enter the game if called upon - basically to rest.

I suddenly remembered that in the original vision I saw myself in Matthew's uniform.  I looked so funny that I chuckled. (I thought of what David must have looked like in Saul's gigantic armor.)  Rather than what God showed me, I've been imagining myself as the MVP.  My uniform is tight, slick, sharp and makes me look so strong.  I thought I was ready for action.  Yet now I see that I am on the sidelines.  My helmet rests on the bench beside me.  My uniform is a little ridiculous.  I look like a light weight.

But none of that matters because I don't have the ball and neither does cancer.

God is leading the charge.  Christ has possession of the ball and he is the anointed, appointed quarterback.  He is calling the plays and positioning the players.  I am on the bench.  I am resting.

I feel so relieved.  I am enjoying imaging the pain and anguish which God will leash on those who tried to line up against me.  I am confident of the outcome and I am ready to enter the game at a moment's notice.  I'm sure there will be a point when I am called to action - but until then I square up by resting, waiting, trusting the Lord.

Forced Rest

And he said to them,“Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.

Mark 6:31

Last week I shared a wonderful evening with some of the team of ladies who participated in a recent leadership trip to Scottsdale, Arizona.  They visited the Gateway campus there and attended Scottsdale's first Pink Impact.  I had planned to be a part of that gathering, but due to the timing of my treatments, I ended up staying home.  We gathered to share a meal and talk about their experience.

The team went with the intention of serving.  The goal was to be available and to do whatever was needed.  Upon arrival it was pretty clear that the Scottsdale team was on top of all the details.  They had done a fantastic job of raising up leaders, executing their vision and preparing for the hundreds of ladies who were participating.  As a result, the Texas team found themselves with an opportunity to simply receive.

This unexpected turn of events left each of them with an opportunity to enter into what God was doing.  As each of them shared, I heard them begin to testify about the unexpected impact of resting in the presence of God.  Some talked about the refreshment, some about how unexpected chains were broken, some about hearing God in a new way, some about the reminder of their first love. They all testified that they were deeply impacted, returning home changed in unexpected ways.

One of the team talked about the concept of forced rest in an athlete's training program.  It seems that there is a general understanding that an athlete must build breaks in their training program as a planned part of getting stronger.  It's the basic principles of resistance training.  You stress your muscles one day and rest them the next.  During the rest the muscles actually grow larger and stronger.

Most athletes know that getting enough rest after exercise is essential to high-level performance, but many still over train and feel guilty when they take a day off. The body repairs and strengthens itself in the time between workouts, and continuous training can actually weaken the strongest athletes. Sportsmedicene.com

I realized in that moment that both the team and myself had been led into a moment of forced rest.  They by a lack of responsibility.  Me by a lack of health.  In both cases God was prescribing the same treatment.  As they found their hands empty, their hearts began to fill up.  As I surrender to the "battle plan" before me, I begin to turn the tide of my crisis toward health.

What if Jesus wants to invite all of us into a season of rest?  We call it Sabbath.  Just think - every week He commands that we would pause to rest.  We can do it out of obedience or we can push ourselves beyond the limits of our physical, emotional or spiritual strength and find ourselves staring "square" in the face of a situation which debilitates us.  For me it's a health crisis.  For others it might be a failing marriage, a financial disaster, a loss of passion or a sense of hopelessness.

Genesis 2:2-3And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and herested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done.So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.

The Bible says that the seventh day - the day of required rest - is both blessed and holy. (Shh - this is a secret - I have believed the seventh day is nice, wasted and for the weak.) I have been so foolish. I have been afraid to rest because I don't fully trust that God can do more without me than with me.  I have believed that the blessing only comes through works.

I pray you will surrender to rest long before you are pressed into it by destruction, loss or fear. But even if it's too late for the rest that comes by choice...even if you are like me - receiving a mandate of rest like a prescription to recovery - our God is so faithful.  We can receive the same benefit as my friends did while in Scottsdale.  As we empty our hands and cease striving, He will heal us and He will do so much more.  Soon we'll be testifying of the unexpected and completely luscious blessing that comes from resting in Him.

Jesus Makes Me Steadfast

“Lord, give me firmness without hardness, steadfastness without dogmatism, love without weakness.” ―

Jim Elliot

I've been noticing so many words that begin with an "R". When I hear them, they ring in the spirit.  It's like my ear detects something different, an underlying layer of meaning.  My whole spirit begins to lean toward that word and I want to dig a little deeper.  I am building a series of blogs on these R words just because I need the encouragement most of all.  You can refer to my last post on

"Rest"

as the starting point.  Today, I am revisiting (see that R word?) the key to overcoming cancer the Lord gave me in 2009.  It was my first R word and it is still such an important key for me:

Resolute

Resolute: admirably purposeful, determined, unwavering

This word was so impactful to me at the beginning of my journey that I decided to share what I wrote about becoming resolute from my original blog post of July 10, 2009. 

Laughter is Good Medicine.

I like to ask God each year for a word for that year - something personal that will tell me what He has in mind for me. By mid-February I knew that my word for 2009 was "resolute". Resolute means steadfast, unwavering, without doubt, fully committed, with no duplicity. As soon as I heard it, I realized I was going to have to fight. I thought I might have to fight to stay in the ministry, or fight to hear God, or maybe fight to remain stable. Little did I know what loomed on the horizon. I am fighting for my very life.

This morning I was reading Dodie Osteen's book called Healed of Cancer (given to me last night by a very special friend, Janet Stephenson - thank you!) and I came across a verse that made my heart leap. I've searched the Bible for the word resolute and can't find it! I knew that steadfastness was the character of the Lord and I found some confirming verses for that - but I had not really laid hold of a passage that spoke to me about being resolute.

Guess what I found this morning? Hebrews 10:23 - "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."

I will not waver again. Not because of my faith, but because He is faithful.

My faith has been quickened by the outrageous, lavish, abundant declaration of God's goodness toward me. I believe that I am healed when everything in my body is saying something different. I take authority over my mind, will and emotions - removing duplicite thoughts and becoming single-minded.

I command the root of cancer to die and leave my body whole and restored. Resolute.

I am grateful that the root of my faith is not contingent upon my effort.  Whether I am having a dark season or just a single difficult day, it is the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit that makes me steadfast.  My faith is not "worked up" by effort or fear but rather comes to me like bread on water each morning.  When I feel the temptation to drift away, my responsibility is to confess my faith again.  He does all the rest.

Last week I received a very special gift. My friend Nolita Theo sent me a copy of the book I mentioned above by Dodie Osteen called Healed of Cancer.  I've listed it as my number one recommendation on this blog for anyone who is battling cancer. I found a new copy, along with a note, on my desk last week.  As I picked it up, I told Elisabeth Dunn (my co-worker) how important that little book had become in my life and how sweet it was that someone would send it to me again.

As I flipped it open, I found a new blessing!

Mrs. Osteen had written me a personal note!  I was so excited by this precious gift.  Nolita had remembered our conversation from months before.  Mrs. Osteen's faith quickened my faith in 2009 and enabled me to trust God in new measure through her testimony of miraculous healing.

So let's "square up" together. If you find yourself in need of greater faith, just borrow my favorite verse - Hebrews 10:23 - and begin to confess. We will find that in spite of our human weakness, He who promised is faithful (steadfast, unwavering, trustworthy).

The Cycle of Life

And if the Spirit of Him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, [then] He Who raised up Christ Jesus from the dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies through His Spirit Who dwells in you. Romans 8:11 AMP

(I am adding to my series that begins with the letter R.  You can check out my other related posts here:  Resolute, Rest, Resilient.)

I am very happy to report that I came through week one of treatment with flying colors.  (Thanks for your mighty prayers this week.)  I saw Dr. Khan on Wednesday and he was pleased with my immediate blood work (high white blood cell count - which means low risk of infection and sustained strength) and we are hopeful that my blood work (sent to the lab) will already reflect a decrease in my tumor markers.  At this point, there is no way to evaluate the effectiveness of the chemo.  We are dependent upon outward observation, faith in the process and the preliminary blood work.

I've been thinking a lot about how cancer/chemotherapy work.  I wanted to share a revelation that I got in 2009 which was quickened to me again this past week.  Many times I have said in the midst of the treatment cycle that I am simply waiting on the moment of resurrection.

A few days after chemotherapy, all the energy simply leaves your body.  You don't really feel bad, but you suddenly don't have the strength to stand.  For several days you simply are forced to surrender from flat on your back and from a position of rest.  And then - one day - you simply rise up again.  You can't force the rising and you can't resist the resting.

I opened this blog with Romans 8:11 which promises life to the mortal body.  I know there is an eternal resurrection for those who are in Christ Jesus where we will receive an immortal body that will be incorruptible. (Who isn't excited about that?  No more pain or tears or weakness. Glory to God!)

But we also experience "mini-resurrections" throughout our life.  I'm sharing about a physical recovery but I bet you can also identify some spiritual, emotional, relational or even financial recoveries you've experienced in your own life.

The Greek word for resurrection is anastasis and it means to rise again, to stand up, to recover from a debilitating condition, rebirth.

I have nicknamed this process resurrection and identified four distinct stages I go through with each round of chemo.  Moreover, I am also walking through these stages on a grander scale.  They are four overall steps in being healed - in overcoming.  Last time it took me two years to reach step four, but every three weeks I am being reminded to trust God for resurrection.

I hope this explanation of how I see the cycle from going down to coming up might help you identify where you are in some skirmishes of your own.

You appear healthy, but you are not.

This is where you cope with the unknown, the surprise of the attack and the disappointment of having to contend for your health (or relationships, emotions, finances, etc.) Everything might look fine on the outside, but inside a full-on assault is underway. Here light comes to darkness and secrets are revealed. For me this is characterized by shock, sadness, disappointment and even a little embarassed.

You appear unhealthy and you are unhealthy.

This is the most challenging phase (for me) as the battle manifests in both your mind and body.  Here the outcome is unclear and the treatment (or intervention) begins to take a toll on you in every way.  Others can now know that something is wrong and can even be frightened by what they see. Often this is a long phase - a dual (stand off) of sorts - where you and the enemy face off day after day. With time, a certain rhythm of the fight comes and you learn to persevere despite frightening consequences or bad reports.  A warrior is born and perseverance becomes a powerful weapon. You learn how to fight and fight well.  You begin to understand the superiority of your weapons and the strength of your faith.

You appear unhealthy but you are becoming healthy.

This is where the tide turns and is often the slowest part of the process.  Healing manifests from the inside out.  It requires time and patience.  Just as it takes a long time for your body to overcome, repair itself and feel normal again, your inner man also requires patient forced rest.  There is a healing of the mind, will and emotions that coincides with recovery. Here you are securing the treasures of the victory, plundering the enemies camp and developing your identity as a person of recovery.  You are well for a long time on the inside before you experience full restoration on the outside.

You appear healthy and you are healthy.

This is the goal and dream of every person who contends with sickness (or trauma or loss) - the ultimate resurrection of sorts.  It's wonderful when you reach the stage where others don't instantly know the battle you are in.  You truly rise again, becoming a symbol of hope and encouragement to others who are in the midst of their own fights.  In this phase, you recognize the price of the victory and work to defend and retain all the territory you have recovered. It's marked by gratitude and a quiet confidence.  Now your testimony becomes more powerful than the test.

I have no power to bring resurrection to myself.  I am completely dependent upon this mortal body to respond to it's innate design to live.  As I wait, I wait upon the Lord and I remind myself the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me. The presence of the Holy Spirit living in this natural flesh is my supernatural advantage. My weapons are divine and my victory is assured.  I fight from a position of strength and all around me are those who war with me.

I am grateful to know that I am prone to resurrection rather than to death.

I hope that whatever battle you might be facing, you can find yourself in these four phases and from that position pull on the promises of God. Simply invite the Holy Spirit into that portion of your need and wait upon the Lord. He is faithful and He has overcome the sting of death. If we participate in His sufferings we will also participate in His glory.

Check out this resurrection wording in Isaiah 40:30 AMP

But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him]Will gain new strengthandrenew their power; (resurrect) They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun];They will run and not become weary,They will walk and not grow tired.

We will rise again!

Jan

We Will Win

We will win! This is the rally cry of the Flower Mound High School football team.  This year, they are being led by a new coach who is developing a mindset of victory.  Following several years of heavy defeats and losing seasons, even Matthew had begun to lose his love for the sport.  When Coach Basil arrived on the scene things began to shift.

Matthew went from "I'm not sure it's worth it," to shouts of "we will win."

I've thought a lot about how that happened.

Coach showed up rather quiet and observant in the initial days.  He spent some time getting to know them and began to develop his team and his strategy.  He addressed their mindset first.  They felt like losers.  He began to declare they were winners.  Then he set about conditioning their body for endurance.  He aligned them as a team in positions of strength.  He made them push themselves beyond their prior limits and then he surrounded them with words of courage and shouts of victory.

At first, when Matthew shared the rally cry, he kind of shrugged his shoulders.  He thought the rally cry was a little optimistic.  He's a leader - so he shouted "we will win" among the loudest - demonstrating his willingness to try.  Slowly, day by day and practice by practice, he began to believe.

This week Matthew came to my Equip class called #squareup. (Even if you didn't get to attend, you can watch by clicking here.)  I wanted him to share about his perspective on how to fight cancer and what square up meant to him on the football field.  He began to share his story and experience of coming up against an enemy, preparing himself for battle and finally engaging face to face - hit to hit.

As he shared, I could hear the prophetic bent to his voice.  He was talking about football, but I was hearing a war cry. (Here's a clip from Matthew's comments.)

We will win!

We will win!

We will win!

The ultimate outcome of this war in which we live has already been won.  Christ has done a finished work on the cross.  He has disarmed darkness, taken back the keys to death and hell and seated Himself at the right hand of the Father.

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?  I John 5:4-5

Therefore, we can square up with this victory.  We can come into alignment with His plans, purpose and strategies for our lives.  We can be resolute in the declaration of our faith and we can rest in His presence while He wars for us.

We can have a mindset of victory.

We must.

The Jaguars won the season opener by a whopping score of 65-14.  I have to admit it's a lot more fun to win than to lose.  But this week, they faced a different level of opponent.  They fought hard but came away with a loss of 16-23.

Just like our spiritual war, it seems some days the enemy gets the upper hand.  Just as we stretch out and take a breath, it seems we stumble or fall.  What seemed within our reach slips between our fingers.

This is when we find out what we really believe.

This is when we become a real warriors.

This is when we firm up our own mindset of victory.

Whether you enjoyed the throes of victory or faced a set back of your own this week, you can fight on with confidence because #wewin.

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 15:57

Do You Struggle with Discomfort?

I am so uncomfortable...again.

Most of the time I find I am uncomfortable.

I think this springs from a life-long fight with fear and insecurity.

I don't know why I struggle so much because I have a lot of reasons to feel secure.  I am loved.  I am safe.  I am saved.

What else could a girl need? Apparently, to feel comfortable.

Uncomfortable - causing or feeling slight pain or physical discomfort (Webster)

Uncomfortable - causing or feeling emotional, mental and spiritual anxiety (Jan)

It's not physical discomfort that tends to rock my world.  After all these years, I've learned there is usually some form of relief I can find from physical pain. (Thank goodness for modern medicine.)

It's the pain of the heart, the effect of wounds, the threat of loss, the bite of disappointment that I struggle with.  I constantly am maneuvering to move myself  from uncomfortable to comfortable.

A few years ago I was complaining to God about how tired I was of constantly struggling with being uncomfortable.  I seemed to always be unsure of my place.  I didn't know for sure when to speak up and when to shut up.  Should I stand up or should I sit down?  Is this the moment to advance or is this the moment to withdraw?

I heard the Holy Spirit whisper -

"Didn't you want to be on the front lines?"

Years ago I picked up my first book on spiritual warfare.  I don't remember the title, but I remember that is was red and black and that every time I looked at it I felt uncomfortable.  I was so uncomfortable that I hid it in my underwear drawer face down.  I eventually gave it away to someone else I thought needed help more than me. (Wow! Ultimate arrogance.)  No surprise, I had to buy it again and eventually I found the courage to dig into some territory that was so uncomfortable.

Where would I be today if I hadn't finally been awakened to the forces of war all around me?  More importantly, I became aware of the spiritual authority resident in me.

I remember having this moment of revelation.

I finally acknowledged I was in a war - the war of wars - but I only wanted to be in the support troops.  I told God I'd serve in the kitchen. (Why would I say that to God? We all know I am useless in the kitchen.)  It's kind of like when I've said to my boys, you may not join the military, but if you must, you can only be the weather guy.  I didn't want them to choose a role that put them on the front line.  I wanted them to live, not die.

Obviously, I wanted the same for myself.

I was in the kitchen.

One day (I don't know when or how long it took) I remember moving from the back of the pack to the front lines.  I felt called, front and center.  I knew the enemy was advancing against me and my family, and I was mad about it.  I was tired of depending on others to war on my behalf and I was tired of getting beat up even though I was serving in the canteen.

That day I moved from comfortable to uncomfortable.

Fast forward at least 20 years...and I was so weary with uncomfortable.  I was daily asking God to take away the sensations of the unknown, the threatening, the nearness of death. I wanted Him to define my "place" so that I could become comfortable. (I just realized I was kind of longing for the kitchen duty again.  Foolish!)

"Didn't you want to be on the front lines? You can't have comfortable and advance the Kingdom.  If you want to be a part of what is happening at the forefront of my Kingdom, you will be uncomfortable, but I will comfort you.  In every moment, I am right there with you.  I am the comforter."

The price of following hard after the things of God is the willingness to live in the zone of the battle that is uncomfortable. (And by the way - it's too late to go back anyway.)  If I really want to leave a mark on others that is beautiful and legacy building, if I really want to be a vital part of what God is doing, then I must stand in the zone of warfare that is uncomfortable.

I have to become comfortable with uncomfortable.

The sensation of being uncomfortable is a sure sign that you are already in your place.  (You just don't like your place. Ouch! Talking to myself.) Our place is in the midst of a battle where we can destroy the works of the enemy, advance against darkness, and fulfill our destiny.  It's often hand-to-hand combat.  We might get wounded or even die.  We may be hungry, cold, tired or discouraged, but here's the good news...we are not alone.

He promised to comfort me, in every wave of war, He is with me.  He stands next to me.  Often He steps in front of me to fend off an especially evil attack.  He coaches me to use my weapons well.  He encourages me to advance against darkness with great courage.  He becomes my strength as I wait in His presence.

I've had to learn that resting in the midst of the uncomfortable is a key to victory.  I can take a deep breath, listen for His voice, sense His presence and even be steadfast - all while I am extremely uncomfortable.  His presence is comforting even when my circumstance is uncomfortable.

How about you?  Always begging God to change your circumstance so you feel less fearful and more comfortable?  Welcome to the club.

Can I encourage you to stop focusing on the circumstance and begin to really focus on His presence in the midst of it?  This is the highest form of spiritual warfare.  Peace in the midst of war.  (You will really annoy and confuse your enemies.) Here you can sit in the eye of the storm and be comforted.  He will not leave you.  You are not alone.  All is well.