Ready for Action

Many of you know about the square up vision God gave me on the day that I knew the cancer had returned again, this time to my liver.  If you don't, you can read all about it on one of my original blogs entitled What Happened? This idea of squaring up - of getting into alignment with God's plans and preparing for the fight - have driven me for the past few months.  Every decision has been about agreeing with him.

I constantly see myself dressed out in my full pads, looking good in my uniform. (Remember this picture of my son Matthew? I pretend my uniform looks just this great on me.)  I imagine I am standing on the field in that strange crouch that Matthew assumes when the ball is about to be snapped.  My eyes search for any clue so I can sense what is about to happen.

I look across the offensive line and I see cancer is the quarterback.  It's making the calls and moving the ball.  Because I am in a defensive position,  I strive to anticipate cancer's game plan, read the play, and respond with great skill by sacking the quarterback, striping the ball from a running back or best of all, intercepting a pass.

Yet each time I see the enemy reach for the ball and step back into the pocket, I am frozen.  My teammates (those who pray for me) advance, but I standstill.  Suddenly, I am filled with doubt... "I am supposed to be in a position of rest.  The battle belongs to the Lord.  I'm waiting on Him.  Maybe I'm not supposed to be so aggressive.  I don't want to disobey or spend my energy when God wants to show off on my behalf."

At that moment, I imagine myself as an unseasoned player freaked out by the crowds, the noise, the pressure, the thoughts and I just stand there.  Here comes the offensive team - all 11 players (with names like fear, disappointment, discouragement, pain) - who simply crush me on the field.  Over and over again, I am flat on my back with a sense of shock wondering why I don't have a defender for the defender. With every snap of the ball, they take more territory and I am pushed back, closer, and closer to death.  What is going on?

I recently shared this story with a former NFL player hoping to get some insight.  I explained the situation and that I had determined the only way for me to win this battle was for me to move from the defensive team to the offensive team.  I had been praying God would show me how to get the ball for myself and put the enemy in the defensive position.  I'm tired of chasing cancer around my body.  I'm tired of negative reports.  I'm tired of a sense of helplessness.  I don't know how to walk out this square up word on the field of battle.

He looked me straight in the face and said, "So you think the devil has the ball?" As soon as he said it, I saw the foolishness of my reasoning.  He continued, "God has the ball.  He is leading the offensive team.  The devil is on the defense and he is the one getting creamed.  You are on the sidelines resting."

The responsibility of the defensive player while his offensive team is on the field is to recuperate, stay engaged, encourage his team mates and be prepared to enter the game if called upon - basically to rest.

I suddenly remembered that in the original vision I saw myself in Matthew's uniform.  I looked so funny that I chuckled. (I thought of what David must have looked like in Saul's gigantic armor.)  Rather than what God showed me, I've been imagining myself as the MVP.  My uniform is tight, slick, sharp and makes me look so strong.  I thought I was ready for action.  Yet now I see that I am on the sidelines.  My helmet rests on the bench beside me.  My uniform is a little ridiculous.  I look like a light weight.

But none of that matters because I don't have the ball and neither does cancer.

God is leading the charge.  Christ has possession of the ball and he is the anointed, appointed quarterback.  He is calling the plays and positioning the players.  I am on the bench.  I am resting.

I feel so relieved.  I am enjoying imaging the pain and anguish which God will leash on those who tried to line up against me.  I am confident of the outcome and I am ready to enter the game at a moment's notice.  I'm sure there will be a point when I am called to action - but until then I square up by resting, waiting, trusting the Lord.

We Will Win

We will win! This is the rally cry of the Flower Mound High School football team.  This year, they are being led by a new coach who is developing a mindset of victory.  Following several years of heavy defeats and losing seasons, even Matthew had begun to lose his love for the sport.  When Coach Basil arrived on the scene things began to shift.

Matthew went from "I'm not sure it's worth it," to shouts of "we will win."

I've thought a lot about how that happened.

Coach showed up rather quiet and observant in the initial days.  He spent some time getting to know them and began to develop his team and his strategy.  He addressed their mindset first.  They felt like losers.  He began to declare they were winners.  Then he set about conditioning their body for endurance.  He aligned them as a team in positions of strength.  He made them push themselves beyond their prior limits and then he surrounded them with words of courage and shouts of victory.

At first, when Matthew shared the rally cry, he kind of shrugged his shoulders.  He thought the rally cry was a little optimistic.  He's a leader - so he shouted "we will win" among the loudest - demonstrating his willingness to try.  Slowly, day by day and practice by practice, he began to believe.

This week Matthew came to my Equip class called #squareup. (Even if you didn't get to attend, you can watch by clicking here.)  I wanted him to share about his perspective on how to fight cancer and what square up meant to him on the football field.  He began to share his story and experience of coming up against an enemy, preparing himself for battle and finally engaging face to face - hit to hit.

As he shared, I could hear the prophetic bent to his voice.  He was talking about football, but I was hearing a war cry. (Here's a clip from Matthew's comments.)

We will win!

We will win!

We will win!

The ultimate outcome of this war in which we live has already been won.  Christ has done a finished work on the cross.  He has disarmed darkness, taken back the keys to death and hell and seated Himself at the right hand of the Father.

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?  I John 5:4-5

Therefore, we can square up with this victory.  We can come into alignment with His plans, purpose and strategies for our lives.  We can be resolute in the declaration of our faith and we can rest in His presence while He wars for us.

We can have a mindset of victory.

We must.

The Jaguars won the season opener by a whopping score of 65-14.  I have to admit it's a lot more fun to win than to lose.  But this week, they faced a different level of opponent.  They fought hard but came away with a loss of 16-23.

Just like our spiritual war, it seems some days the enemy gets the upper hand.  Just as we stretch out and take a breath, it seems we stumble or fall.  What seemed within our reach slips between our fingers.

This is when we find out what we really believe.

This is when we become a real warriors.

This is when we firm up our own mindset of victory.

Whether you enjoyed the throes of victory or faced a set back of your own this week, you can fight on with confidence because #wewin.

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 15:57

Do You Struggle with Discomfort?

I am so uncomfortable...again.

Most of the time I find I am uncomfortable.

I think this springs from a life-long fight with fear and insecurity.

I don't know why I struggle so much because I have a lot of reasons to feel secure.  I am loved.  I am safe.  I am saved.

What else could a girl need? Apparently, to feel comfortable.

Uncomfortable - causing or feeling slight pain or physical discomfort (Webster)

Uncomfortable - causing or feeling emotional, mental and spiritual anxiety (Jan)

It's not physical discomfort that tends to rock my world.  After all these years, I've learned there is usually some form of relief I can find from physical pain. (Thank goodness for modern medicine.)

It's the pain of the heart, the effect of wounds, the threat of loss, the bite of disappointment that I struggle with.  I constantly am maneuvering to move myself  from uncomfortable to comfortable.

A few years ago I was complaining to God about how tired I was of constantly struggling with being uncomfortable.  I seemed to always be unsure of my place.  I didn't know for sure when to speak up and when to shut up.  Should I stand up or should I sit down?  Is this the moment to advance or is this the moment to withdraw?

I heard the Holy Spirit whisper -

"Didn't you want to be on the front lines?"

Years ago I picked up my first book on spiritual warfare.  I don't remember the title, but I remember that is was red and black and that every time I looked at it I felt uncomfortable.  I was so uncomfortable that I hid it in my underwear drawer face down.  I eventually gave it away to someone else I thought needed help more than me. (Wow! Ultimate arrogance.)  No surprise, I had to buy it again and eventually I found the courage to dig into some territory that was so uncomfortable.

Where would I be today if I hadn't finally been awakened to the forces of war all around me?  More importantly, I became aware of the spiritual authority resident in me.

I remember having this moment of revelation.

I finally acknowledged I was in a war - the war of wars - but I only wanted to be in the support troops.  I told God I'd serve in the kitchen. (Why would I say that to God? We all know I am useless in the kitchen.)  It's kind of like when I've said to my boys, you may not join the military, but if you must, you can only be the weather guy.  I didn't want them to choose a role that put them on the front line.  I wanted them to live, not die.

Obviously, I wanted the same for myself.

I was in the kitchen.

One day (I don't know when or how long it took) I remember moving from the back of the pack to the front lines.  I felt called, front and center.  I knew the enemy was advancing against me and my family, and I was mad about it.  I was tired of depending on others to war on my behalf and I was tired of getting beat up even though I was serving in the canteen.

That day I moved from comfortable to uncomfortable.

Fast forward at least 20 years...and I was so weary with uncomfortable.  I was daily asking God to take away the sensations of the unknown, the threatening, the nearness of death. I wanted Him to define my "place" so that I could become comfortable. (I just realized I was kind of longing for the kitchen duty again.  Foolish!)

"Didn't you want to be on the front lines? You can't have comfortable and advance the Kingdom.  If you want to be a part of what is happening at the forefront of my Kingdom, you will be uncomfortable, but I will comfort you.  In every moment, I am right there with you.  I am the comforter."

The price of following hard after the things of God is the willingness to live in the zone of the battle that is uncomfortable. (And by the way - it's too late to go back anyway.)  If I really want to leave a mark on others that is beautiful and legacy building, if I really want to be a vital part of what God is doing, then I must stand in the zone of warfare that is uncomfortable.

I have to become comfortable with uncomfortable.

The sensation of being uncomfortable is a sure sign that you are already in your place.  (You just don't like your place. Ouch! Talking to myself.) Our place is in the midst of a battle where we can destroy the works of the enemy, advance against darkness, and fulfill our destiny.  It's often hand-to-hand combat.  We might get wounded or even die.  We may be hungry, cold, tired or discouraged, but here's the good news...we are not alone.

He promised to comfort me, in every wave of war, He is with me.  He stands next to me.  Often He steps in front of me to fend off an especially evil attack.  He coaches me to use my weapons well.  He encourages me to advance against darkness with great courage.  He becomes my strength as I wait in His presence.

I've had to learn that resting in the midst of the uncomfortable is a key to victory.  I can take a deep breath, listen for His voice, sense His presence and even be steadfast - all while I am extremely uncomfortable.  His presence is comforting even when my circumstance is uncomfortable.

How about you?  Always begging God to change your circumstance so you feel less fearful and more comfortable?  Welcome to the club.

Can I encourage you to stop focusing on the circumstance and begin to really focus on His presence in the midst of it?  This is the highest form of spiritual warfare.  Peace in the midst of war.  (You will really annoy and confuse your enemies.) Here you can sit in the eye of the storm and be comforted.  He will not leave you.  You are not alone.  All is well.

Where's My Place?

I recently walked into a meeting room where about 100 people were gathering for a conference.  Even though I had been invited to the gathering and even though my friend was hosting it, I still had to face a momentary feeling of insecurity.  Where was my seat?  Was there a place for me? I've had this feeling a million times in my life.

I still feel it a bit when I board an airplane and look down the long aisle.  Ticket in hand and seat reserved, I still have butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Where's my seat? Who will I sit near? Will someone else have taken my place?

I also feel this way the first time I attend a new life group.  It's pretty intimidating to pull up to someone else's home and invite yourself into their living room. Getting from the car to the living room can seem insurmountable.

Recently we relocated office buildings at work.  I was so grateful when my boss opened up his computer to show me the schematic with each person's work space clearly marked by their name.  Surprise!  There was a space for me.

These momentary flashes of insecurity are easily resolved.

Once we press past the threat of the potential embarrassment of being overlooked or left out and actually "find our place", the sensation passes.

But sometimes this sensation becomes an ongoing state of being.

That's a problem.  A big one.

Deep seated insecurity, the kind that leaves you fearful, restless and uncertain, requires the human heart to live on alert.

"Will I be good enough for the job or the relationship?”

“Will I be accepted by this group or that person?

“Am I too tall, too short, too skinny, too fat?”

These examples can be shortened to the real questions of our heart.

"Am I enough?"

"Will I be accepted?"

"Am I okay?" 

Meditate on this wonderful verse from the book of Jude and ponder the fact that we are loved and "kept safe" by Jesus.  He is the answer to our insecurities.

Jude 1-2 I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything’s going to be all right; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!