3 Life Lessons Breast Cancer Taught Me

The month of October is almost gone and I haven't said one word about breast cancer. In August I thought about writing a blog a day in the month of October about the lessons I've learned as a breast cancer survivor.  (The Lord knows I can come up with 31 lessons -  no problem.)

I quickly put that idea to bed.

To be honest, I don't like to talk about breast cancer and the month of October often seems like an onslaught of pink reminders of things I'd rather not dwell upon.  It used to bring to mind images of cooler weather, football, and a great cup of coffee.  But in 2009, it began to mean something different to me.

That October I saw pink everywhere.  T-shirts, flip-flops, coke cans and every other product and place you can think of.  Even the NFL got into it with pink gloves, cleats and ribbons right on their jerseys.

What was supposed to be an idea that evoked an awareness and sense of community around a health issue that impacts 1 in 8 women in their lifetime, became for me a mocking symbol of my weakness. Sometimes I just ignored it and sometimes it made me angry.

Here's the honest truth - I didn't embrace "the pink ribbon" because I did not want to be identified with the disease I was battling.

I've had to fight to overcome that mindset. Running, hiding or even ignoring this struggle was ineffective and only left me weary and afraid.

Like it or not, I am forever tied to the issue of breast cancer and that little pink ribbon.

I've realized that my own fear has made me run from identifying myself with a group of people that I actually love, embrace and am proud to be a part of.  Cancer survivors are warriors and they are powerful.

So before October is gone, I want to overcome my own childishness and share three of the most important life lessons breast cancer has taught me.

BELIEVE MORE DEEPLY

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

What you believe and how strongly you believe it really matters!  To believe means to accept as true or real. Take a moment and reflect on your beliefs.  Are they grounded in truth? Are they shaped by fear?  Do you need to change your mind about some of your beliefs?

Once you’ve evaluated the ground upon which you have placed your faith, you are ready to reach down inside of your heart and simply dare to believe.  Believe you might get through it.  Believe that even if you don’t, it will work for your good.  Believe that what the enemy meant for evil God will use for good.

DECLARE MORE LOUDLY

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21

What you say and how you say it really matters!  To declare means to make known, to announce emphatically, to proclaim.  Stop and listen to yourself.  What are you saying? What are you reading? Who are you listening to?

Once you’ve heard your own voice and based your beliefs upon truth, use what you know for your good.  Speak to your mountain and tell it to get out of your way. Pray out loud. Write a declaration of faith and read it to yourself. Say something encouraging.

STAND MORE FIRMLY

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 6:13

What you do and how you do it really matters!  To stand means to maintain an upright position supported by one’s feet.  Take a measure of where you are standing.  Are you feet firmly planted on the rock of Jesus Christ? Have you taken a position based upon His word? Have you refused to compromise your position with worry, doubt or fear?

Today, I embrace the month of October as an opportunity to share about the importance of early detection as a life saving measure.  For all my female readers - Have you had your mammogram?  Why not?

I've also taken a stand to embrace the pink ribbon with honor.  It identifies a tribe of people impacted and empowered by a shared experience.  I have decided that the ribbon is a statement of my victory and a reminder to me and others of the power of our faith and the hope of our salvation. (Visit my page on Breast Cancer to learn a little more about my personal journey.)

What about you?  What life lessons have you learned from adversity?  Together, we could come up with our own list of 31 "pearls of wisdom."

*In 2011, I became a part of a project of The National Breast Cancer Foundation who’s mission is to save lives by increasing awareness of breast cancer through education and by providing mammograms for those in need. Beyond the Shock is an initiative of the organization that is designed to provide a broad range of resources and encouragement for breast cancer patients and their families. I am featured as a documentary participant, sharing my personal insights and perspectives as a cancer survivor.

How to Pray for the Sick - Part #1

Here are five tips that will help you be more at ease, confident and powerful as you pray for the sick - especially for those who are very ill. These tips also apply to praying for those in crisis, trauma, grief or depression.

Whether you are making a hospital visit, praying in the midst of a group, serving at your local church altar or praying privately with another, you'll be well equipped to pray effectively.

(Watch for part 2 of this video blog series for the final five tips.)

How to Pray for the Sick - Part #2

Have you ever wanted to pray for someone but held back because you were nervous or unsure how to proceed? This video blog will help you.  Use these final five tips to make a great hospital visit, minister to someone in deep grief or discouragement or simply to improve your prayer manners. (If you missed the Vlog #1 which contains the first five tips on How to (and How Not to) Pray for the Sick, simply click here to catch up.) 

Hottest Before the Breakthrough

Many trials intensify right before the breakthrough.

Just when you think it can’t get any hotter, suddenly a fresh burst of oxygen reaches the coals of your struggle and the heat turns up.

The thing that has been threatening you or delaying you begins to prophecy your demise.

Hold on!

It’s often hottest right before the breakthrough.

Fiery trials are the doorway to a miraculous turn around.

In Daniel 3, we are introduced to the fiery trial of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

These three Jewish men who were living in exile as bond servants and slaves to a foreign government did everything required of them with excellence except give their worship to a golden statue.

They were offered an opportunity to escape the consequences of their disobedience if only they would bend their knee.

Otherwise, they would be burned alive in a fiery furnace.

We pick up with their story in Daniel 3.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered King Nebuchadnezzar, “Your threat means nothing to us.

If you throw us in the fire, the God we serve can rescue us from your roaring furnace and anything else you might cook up, O king. But even if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.

We still wouldn’t serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up.”

Just when it seemed there was no escape, the pressure to give in intensified. More than that - the fire got hotter.

The king had the men stoke the fire until it was seven times hotter.

Then he threw them into the furnace.

The king himself tells us what happens next in Daniel 3:24-28.

“Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in alarm and said, “Didn’t we throw three men, bound hand and foot, into the fire?”

“That’s right, O king,” they said.

“But look!” he said. “I see four men, walking around freely in the fire, completely unharmed! And the fourth man looks like a son of the gods!”

Nebuchadnezzar went to the door of the roaring furnace and called in, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the High God, come out here!”

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego walked out of the fire

The closer you draw to the breaking point, the closer you come to breakthrough. Fiery trials strengthen our faith. The way we are strengthened is by steadfastly standing on the Word of God, waiting to see how God will work this trial for our good.

In the moments when we are beyond our own ability to change the outcome or circumstances, we begin to rest in God’s strength. As we walk through the fire, others recognize that God is with us.

Every trial does not end with the miracle we were believing for. Either way, the presence of Christ in the midst of the fire will preserve us.

Our real breakthrough is not found in a release from our trial, but in the intimate and personal care of Jesus.

If you or someone you love is discouraged because their situation is increasingly difficult or seemingly endless, encourage them to hold on.

When you walk through fire with the “fourth man” (Jesus), your persecution, oppression, pain, loss or fear have no power over you.

Waiting for a breakthrough?

Here are some recommended resources from women who have been there and can help you.

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Peace is the Key to Sustainable Rest

Trusting God is good for your health.  Proverbs 3:15

When you trust God, you don't worry.  Psalm 116:7

A heart at peace, gives life to the body.  Proverbs 14:30

When God first instructed me to rest, I could only imagine that He was asking me to do less, to cease activity. This definition made sense because my body was under such physical assault, but I found physical rest was only the beginning. No amount of sitting down brought me the kind of rest mandated by the Lord.

God was asking me to go to a whole new level of trust, to really rest in his care of everything that concerned me. He wanted to be my defender, my advocate and my salvation. He wanted to give me peace.

Maybe you are like me, facing some significant challenges that are bigger than your ability to "work" your way out of. If so, I hope the following three things I learned about pursuing peace, will be a blessing to you.

The body needs rest but the mind needs truth.

As I began to recover my physical strength, I quickly realized that no amount of sleep was going to give me long-term peace. I could wake in the morning following a good night's sleep and find my heart in my throat, filled with anxiety and fear. The key to sustainable rest - the kind that heals the body and the soul - is to treat the mind with truth. Truth drives out fear and brings peace. Anxious? Read, study and memorize the Word of God.

A heart at peace gives life to the body.

There is something mystical about the body's healing power. When it is aligned with the will of God, it heals. This is true of a broken bone - when aligned - it will heal. This is also true of a broken heart. When it comes into agreement with the will and Word of God, there is a supernatural release that somehow provides a natural blessing. We underestimate the power of agreeing with God about who we are and who He is. Daily, I set my heart back in alignment so that it may rest. This rest produces a spring of peace. When my heart is at peace, my body (or my circumstance) is able to begin to heal - to even recuperate.

While we rest at peace God works.

I have perceived rest as wasted time. I've even been so arrogant as to perceive sickness as a weakness of character. This has been a form of judgment against myself and others. Learning that my lack of production does not decrease my value in the eyes of God, has been a game changer. When I can do nothing, God still works on my behalf. His favor and love are not a reward reserved for good performance, but rather a gift that constantly blesses my life. I'm finally learning that if I will rest in peace, He will make a way for me.

Other Posts That You Might Enjoy

So Uncomfortable

When Your Back is Up Against the Wall

Resource Recommendation: Made Like Martha

Becoming A Brave Strong Girl

My husband so sweetly told me this week that he was proud of me and that I was brave and strong.  I so want to be brave and strong but the truth is I mostly just feel weak and frightened. Cancer is a disease that dogs you.  It just nips at your heals, threatens your peace and has a nasty habit of camouflaging itself for long seasons and suddenly reappearing in new locations with new vengeance.  Even when you are cancer free, it whispers around the corners of your ears and reminds you that you are weak.

I have a six-year season of victory - and it has been pretty amazing.  God healed me so completely and so miraculously that I have found myself in awe of His goodness.  However, the truth is I must be vigilant all the remaining days of my life - because this disease is just like our enemy, Satan.  it is ruthless, persistent and mean-spirited.  It is directly from the pit of hell and it works to steal, kill and destroy everything that I value.

So how do I begin from here?  How do I go from healed to ill to well again?  How do I become a strong, brave girl?

I'm learning that when God told Joshua to take courage (nine times in the first chapter of Joshua alone) it wasn't because Joshua was a big chicken who needed to be coerced into obeying.  It was because true courage requires obedience in the face of great fear.  It was and is a fearsome thing to trust our God enough to simply obey.

And about strength.  No one ever told me that you can be completely, totally unable to do one thing for yourself or others - and yet in that moment - find there is still some thin strand of strength that just won't let go.   In 2 Corinthians 12:9 it says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  I think this time around I am going to be quicker to confess my weakness, less worried about being so strong, and more focused on Christ's power resting in me.

I am going to need some help.  I need the support of friends and family who will cheer my family on in this most recent adversity.  Part of what can make us all brave and strong is the expression of love and support for one another.

If you've brave enough or interested enough, please follow along with me.  And consider doing more than that.  Leave me a note of encouragement.  I promise to read every one of them.  And then go ahead and be a brave, strong girl (or guy) yourself.  Face your adversity with a little sass and a lot of joy.  Together, we can overcome and somehow weak and frightened will become brave and strong.

Do You Struggle with Discomfort?

I am so uncomfortable...again.

Most of the time I find I am uncomfortable.

I think this springs from a life-long fight with fear and insecurity.

I don't know why I struggle so much because I have a lot of reasons to feel secure.  I am loved.  I am safe.  I am saved.

What else could a girl need? Apparently, to feel comfortable.

Uncomfortable - causing or feeling slight pain or physical discomfort (Webster)

Uncomfortable - causing or feeling emotional, mental and spiritual anxiety (Jan)

It's not physical discomfort that tends to rock my world.  After all these years, I've learned there is usually some form of relief I can find from physical pain. (Thank goodness for modern medicine.)

It's the pain of the heart, the effect of wounds, the threat of loss, the bite of disappointment that I struggle with.  I constantly am maneuvering to move myself  from uncomfortable to comfortable.

A few years ago I was complaining to God about how tired I was of constantly struggling with being uncomfortable.  I seemed to always be unsure of my place.  I didn't know for sure when to speak up and when to shut up.  Should I stand up or should I sit down?  Is this the moment to advance or is this the moment to withdraw?

I heard the Holy Spirit whisper -

"Didn't you want to be on the front lines?"

Years ago I picked up my first book on spiritual warfare.  I don't remember the title, but I remember that is was red and black and that every time I looked at it I felt uncomfortable.  I was so uncomfortable that I hid it in my underwear drawer face down.  I eventually gave it away to someone else I thought needed help more than me. (Wow! Ultimate arrogance.)  No surprise, I had to buy it again and eventually I found the courage to dig into some territory that was so uncomfortable.

Where would I be today if I hadn't finally been awakened to the forces of war all around me?  More importantly, I became aware of the spiritual authority resident in me.

I remember having this moment of revelation.

I finally acknowledged I was in a war - the war of wars - but I only wanted to be in the support troops.  I told God I'd serve in the kitchen. (Why would I say that to God? We all know I am useless in the kitchen.)  It's kind of like when I've said to my boys, you may not join the military, but if you must, you can only be the weather guy.  I didn't want them to choose a role that put them on the front line.  I wanted them to live, not die.

Obviously, I wanted the same for myself.

I was in the kitchen.

One day (I don't know when or how long it took) I remember moving from the back of the pack to the front lines.  I felt called, front and center.  I knew the enemy was advancing against me and my family, and I was mad about it.  I was tired of depending on others to war on my behalf and I was tired of getting beat up even though I was serving in the canteen.

That day I moved from comfortable to uncomfortable.

Fast forward at least 20 years...and I was so weary with uncomfortable.  I was daily asking God to take away the sensations of the unknown, the threatening, the nearness of death. I wanted Him to define my "place" so that I could become comfortable. (I just realized I was kind of longing for the kitchen duty again.  Foolish!)

"Didn't you want to be on the front lines? You can't have comfortable and advance the Kingdom.  If you want to be a part of what is happening at the forefront of my Kingdom, you will be uncomfortable, but I will comfort you.  In every moment, I am right there with you.  I am the comforter."

The price of following hard after the things of God is the willingness to live in the zone of the battle that is uncomfortable. (And by the way - it's too late to go back anyway.)  If I really want to leave a mark on others that is beautiful and legacy building, if I really want to be a vital part of what God is doing, then I must stand in the zone of warfare that is uncomfortable.

I have to become comfortable with uncomfortable.

The sensation of being uncomfortable is a sure sign that you are already in your place.  (You just don't like your place. Ouch! Talking to myself.) Our place is in the midst of a battle where we can destroy the works of the enemy, advance against darkness, and fulfill our destiny.  It's often hand-to-hand combat.  We might get wounded or even die.  We may be hungry, cold, tired or discouraged, but here's the good news...we are not alone.

He promised to comfort me, in every wave of war, He is with me.  He stands next to me.  Often He steps in front of me to fend off an especially evil attack.  He coaches me to use my weapons well.  He encourages me to advance against darkness with great courage.  He becomes my strength as I wait in His presence.

I've had to learn that resting in the midst of the uncomfortable is a key to victory.  I can take a deep breath, listen for His voice, sense His presence and even be steadfast - all while I am extremely uncomfortable.  His presence is comforting even when my circumstance is uncomfortable.

How about you?  Always begging God to change your circumstance so you feel less fearful and more comfortable?  Welcome to the club.

Can I encourage you to stop focusing on the circumstance and begin to really focus on His presence in the midst of it?  This is the highest form of spiritual warfare.  Peace in the midst of war.  (You will really annoy and confuse your enemies.) Here you can sit in the eye of the storm and be comforted.  He will not leave you.  You are not alone.  All is well.

So Much More

I've been thinking a lot lately about all the things I'm not getting done.  I'd share them here, but the list is quite staggering. I recently tried my old standby - "the "to do" list.

For years it's been my go-to friend.  I'd write everything I could think of on a piece of paper and get the most fun out of checking off each task, one by one.  Looking at a well checked list assured me I was okay.  I was worthwhile.  I was accomplishing things.

So I tried making a new to do list.

It just made me feel overwhelmed. Rather than being motivated, I wanted to stick my head in the sand; climb back in the bed; veg out on Netflix.

My to do list has become my "I can't do it anymore" list. Or maybe it's become an "I don't want to" list, or God forbid, maybe even an "I won't" list.

Apparently, I'm waiting on me to regain my motivation.

The problem is two-fold, as I see it.

1) What's the point? I've sadly discovered the work is never done and that even if you finish, you just begin again. (I can't believe the laundry has to be done over and over.)  I need a purpose to help me determine the point - the goal - the win. (Excuse me while I pause to respond to the buzzing of the drier.)

2) Does it really matter? That's a good and honest question.  Did you know that if you wait long enough, some of the items on your to do list will just go away?  This is a lousy way of taking care of business, but it does highlight the difference between the urgent and the essential.  Few things are really essential, but the essential things really do matter.  So what is essential?

In the back of my mind, I hear a whisper, "It is just a season.  Someday - one day - you'll hit your groove again and your 'to do' will rev like the engine of your BMW, you'll shift into fifth gear, and then watch out world. Check marks galore!"

I'm waiting on a lie. It's not just a season. For more than a year, my "to do" has been having to yield to my "who."

It's messy.  It's disconcerting.  It raises a question I don't like to ask.

Is who I am really enough? 

I'm aware I'm in an identity crisis.  Maybe it's a mid-life crisis!  (That would explain so much.) I keep hitting the same wall, turning to my fearless leader (the Holy Spirit) and expecting Him to "coach me up."

It must be half-time, because He's not rating my performance, putting me through the drills of self-incrimination nor punishing me for lack of performance.

So since it's half time and all...here's a different kind of to do list.  It's short and sweet and ever so kind to my bruised capacities.

1. Be kind. Anybody else have really bad "self-talk" about your own performance? I'm the first on the line with a whistle and a clip board. This is bad coaching. So first thing on the to do list - just stop being mean to myself and to others.

2. Eyes on the truth. Who we are matters more than what we do. If we love God and love people, everything else will come into order. Keep your eyes on Jesus and His Word for the truth about the value of who you are.

3. You are enough. I want to be more like Paul who in Philippians 4: 12-13, shares a very important secret to overcoming the relentless demands of to do. I have learned the secret of being content (satisfied, filled, willing) in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Here is the coaching our weary souls long to receive.Christ doesn't so much want to "coach us up" as he wants to "hold us up."   

If we lean into this truth, we begin to understand that "me in Christ and Christ in me" is enough.  Our identity will never be found nor confirmed in a "to do" list.  We are so much more than that!

Where's My Place?

I recently walked into a meeting room where about 100 people were gathering for a conference.  Even though I had been invited to the gathering and even though my friend was hosting it, I still had to face a momentary feeling of insecurity.  Where was my seat?  Was there a place for me? I've had this feeling a million times in my life.

I still feel it a bit when I board an airplane and look down the long aisle.  Ticket in hand and seat reserved, I still have butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Where's my seat? Who will I sit near? Will someone else have taken my place?

I also feel this way the first time I attend a new life group.  It's pretty intimidating to pull up to someone else's home and invite yourself into their living room. Getting from the car to the living room can seem insurmountable.

Recently we relocated office buildings at work.  I was so grateful when my boss opened up his computer to show me the schematic with each person's work space clearly marked by their name.  Surprise!  There was a space for me.

These momentary flashes of insecurity are easily resolved.

Once we press past the threat of the potential embarrassment of being overlooked or left out and actually "find our place", the sensation passes.

But sometimes this sensation becomes an ongoing state of being.

That's a problem.  A big one.

Deep seated insecurity, the kind that leaves you fearful, restless and uncertain, requires the human heart to live on alert.

"Will I be good enough for the job or the relationship?”

“Will I be accepted by this group or that person?

“Am I too tall, too short, too skinny, too fat?”

These examples can be shortened to the real questions of our heart.

"Am I enough?"

"Will I be accepted?"

"Am I okay?" 

Meditate on this wonderful verse from the book of Jude and ponder the fact that we are loved and "kept safe" by Jesus.  He is the answer to our insecurities.

Jude 1-2 I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything’s going to be all right; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!

Pull Up a Chair

I shared last Wednesday night at my Equip class called "Where's My Place?" a story about wrestling with God over where I was to sit in the auditorium of Gateway Church.  I was in the house with 4,000 other ladies, seated on the front row next to my boss and co-worker, when another special guest arrived.  I saw my teammate trying to help her find a spot and I felt her anxiety.  I knew it would be tough to find a seat of honor at this late arrival and I wanted to find a solution. In that moment, I began really struggling with whether or not I should get up and give her my seat.  (It sounds honoring when I say it like that, but it wasn't.) I triggered into a full blown wrestling match with my insecurity.

"Who are you to be sitting here?  Why do you think you deserve a seat of honor?  You don't have any real responsibilities anyway.  Get up.  Move.  Shame on you."

I turned to God in desperation and began to inquire; "Where's my place? Should I stay in my seat, or should I get up? I could move back.  I could sit in the team room.  My teammate is struggling and I want to rescue her.  What should I do?  Where's my place?"

I managed to stay in my seat and my teammate found a spot for the guest.  But my heart was scarred.  I would struggle with the feeling of shame for weeks.  Soon, I realized I had been struggling with avoiding this sensation most of my life.

A few weeks later I was on a leadership trip to South America.  On this particular trip, we were being led by some amazing volunteer leaders and I was along for problem solving and encouragement.  In my current state of mind, I was struggling to keep the tormenting spirit of insecurity at bay and the trip was only giving it fuel.  If I wasn't the leader, then what was I?

I had an afternoon alone in a really quiet place, and I just had to hear God.  I asked again, "Where's my place?"  I was still speaking to God about my natural place.  I wanted to know where I was supposed to sit, and what to do.  I wanted to feel secure in a particular seat, so that I would feel confident and safe.  I wanted to know my role on the team, the trip and in life.

Deep seated insecurity has a way of hiding and/or presenting itself as righteous or helpful.  My insecurity was based upon the lie that I have to take care of myself and everyone else as well. (False responsibility)

All my life, I've pretty much been an adult, striving to figure out ahead of time what is needed or required to please others, so that I will not experience the horrible sensation of shame.  Failing to control my environment in a way that prevented disappointment or difficulty for myself and others, was completely unacceptable.  As a result, I had grown up into a very strong administrative leader.   I could "to do" with the best of them.  When I "do" I feel less anxiety because I don't have to deal with the more ambiguous and difficult question of "Where's my place?"

In addition, "to do" is highly favored in our culture.  High capacity "doers" are usually rewarded for their efforts.  They are entrusted with more responsibility and often find themselves leading or serving in a multitude of places.  If you have natural gifts that enhance this tendency then you will be honored, promoted, invited, or expected "to do" to your limits.  And if you are like me you will come to believe that you are only "loved" if you "do."

But somewhere along the way, all of us encounter seasons, circumstances or difficulties that make our ability "to do" diminish.  Sometimes they are natural like aging or illness and sometimes they come in a swift blow like a lay off, a divorce, a financial crisis, or even death of a loved one.  Even transition is a form of being uprooted from one seat to another.  In those moments, we often experience an identity crisis and we have to go back to God for clarity.

So in that room in Guatemala I finally felt God speak to me.  He began not with my natural seat in an auditorium or on a team, but rather with a position.  Here's what He said to me.

You are my daughter, my child.  Your first place is with me.  I seat you in heavenly places among my people and in my house.  You are welcomed here.  Received.  A seat is reserved for you.  A dwelling place established.  Your place is always in my presence.

I was so fixated on asking about that physical seat that I immediately applied this word to my natural situation - and the application was true.

God was confirming that there was a seat for me in His house.  I don't have to be in one particular seat.  When I come into the physical church gathering, I can choose any seat I like.  All of them belong to me (and my brothers and sisters), because I belong to Him.  I am always at home in the house of God and there is a place for me.

I was frustrated with this answer because I felt he wasn't addressing the real question.  Of course, God in his love and wisdom was addressing the real problem.

He was speaking to the root of insecurity in my life and dealing with the identity crisis I was stuck in.  He was speaking to me about my position, not so much my place.

As truth moved from my mind to my heart, I began to understand He was revealing to me a spiritual seat, one in the presence of God that had been especially reserved for me.  Because I belong to Him, I never have to work or scramble or wonder where I should sit.  Rather, I should always pull up a chair in my Father's presence and rest in the knowledge that there is no shame in my dependence upon Him for my place.

Over the following months I was able to process several times with a friend who helped me uproot that core lie.  I began to see myself with greater kindness and to grasp the power of a heavenly position over a temporary earthly assignment.  Shame still threatens me and occasionally I feel its familiar tug to perform in order to protect myself.  Now I can recognize the cycle that is tempting me.  But I also have the truth about my identity and my position.  As a result, I am learning to be secure.  I can just pull up a seat in my Father's presence.

God showed me six more seats that day in Guatemala.  I'll be sharing next week about those additional positions and praying that my vulnerability and testimony will provide a safe environment and enough truth for others to also be set free.

You can join me on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm CST at the Southlake Campus if you need to ask God about your own place. You can watch last week's class by visiting Equip Resources.  Here's a direct link to make it easy.

How about you? Do you struggle with insecurity?

You are not alone.

I can testify that you can be set free and that in being set free, there is a good life after "to do" is put to bed.  I am still administratively strong, but I am learning to walk without the tormenting fear and shame that has ridden on my shoulder my whole life.  If I "can't," then it is still okay.  I am okay.  And so are you.

Father, I ask you to do for others what you have done for me.  As you touch the tap root of their life and confirm that who they are is so much more important than what they do, deliver them from shame and fear.  I pray they pull up a chair in your presence. In Jesus' name, Amen.

When Your Back is Up Against the Wall

Moses answered the people, do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Egyptians you see today - you will never see again.  God will fight the battle for you.  And you?  You keep your mouths shut. Exodus 14:13-14a (MES)

I recently the honor of serving on a prophetic ministry team. For several days, I sought God for a word of encouragement for specific individuals.  My process of preparing looks something like this:

• get still (Gather every single thing I might possibly want or need for the next hour - coffee, blanket, bible, journal, pen, glasses, computer...you get the idea.)

• pray (Talk to God about how desperate I am to hear what He has to say.)

• listen (Try to stop talking and wait to see if something comes to mind.)

• pray again (Talk, talk, talk - tell God what will happen if He doesn't speak.)

• listen, listen, listen (Make a decision to cut it out, be quiet, put the pressure on God to speak and on me to be still.)

• journal (Write down any and everything I hear, see or sense.)

• repeat

It isn't a very smooth process for me.  It's a bit fraught with my own anxiety and need to "do well".  Once I begin to calm myself, put the expectation on God rather than on me, it's like a slip stream.  I step into a flow I can't explain and I become aware of impressions, words, scriptures, and images that "speak to me" of God's heart.

On Tuesday morning as I finalized my preparations , I felt God had a personal word for me.  I turned the page in my journal and started writing.  Here's what God said:

"The restoration has begun.  The rebuilding is underway.

The pain lessons.

The meds decrease.

The rest is sweeter.

The hair reappears.

The nails transform.

I am faithful, Jan.  I don't just heal or rescue.  I restore."

Restore: 

to bring back, reinstate, reestablish, repair, renovate, fix, rehabilitate, reconstruct, redevelop, overhaul, resurrection, regeneration, the end of one thing, the beginning of another, born again, new beginning

I also remembered the verse from Exodus quoted at the opening of this blog.  The Israelites were standing with their back at the Red Sea and their faces toward an overwhelming enemy.  There was no escape for them.  They could find no battle plan of their own.  They began to panic, complain and believe that they should have stayed in bondage.  They said it was better to be bound than to be dead.

I love how Moses responded.

He didn't try to break them up into units for battle.  He didn't lie to them.  He didn't try to figure it out on his own.  He didn't succumb to their own conclusion.  Rather, he boldly declared that God alone would be enough to deliver them.

"God will fight for you."

Especially if they would shut their mouths.

It's true for you, too.  If your back is up against the wall, close your mouth and stop agreeing with the enemy.  No matter how hopeless your situation appears; no matter how large the army that is advancing against you; no matter how much you second guess the steps that led you to this place...

God will fight for you.

God has indeed fought for me.  While I stand still (resolute) and wait (quite), He is delivering me, fighting for me.

When the red sea parts, we escape and our enemies are crushed.

Then it is the time to speak.