Why Is Mentoring Such a Powerful Tool?

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

— Romans 15:13

Why is mentoring such a powerful tool?

With the launch of Brave Strong Girl I've been really pondering the fundamentals of mentoring. 

It's easy to get caught up in the form of mentoring:  is it training, teaching, coaching or advising?  Often the focus is on a path or pattern of development: is it one-on-one, small group, face to face or anonymous? 

All of these questions are important to a successful mentoring experience, but what is it about mentoring that makes it so effective?  Why do we find mentoring - whether formal or informal - as an integral part of our human experience?

I believe it's because mentoring is fundamentally about hope.

It has a natural stance that looks ahead and dreams about what could be.  It's the opposite of fear, which looks ahead and prophecies destruction.  Mentoring looks ahead and declares ability, capacity, fulfillment, transformation, confidence and even eternal purpose.

It is the intersection of two life experiences where one person looks back to extend a hand and say "come on, you can do it".  The other person dares to look ahead, stretch out their hand to grasp another and makes a leap of faith.

It is filled with potential and questions of what if.  What if I can?  What if it matters?  What if I change, grow, influence, or impact?

As a person of faith, the what if's go deeper.  What if I was born for this?  What if it's about more than me?  What if I have a purpose or a destiny that matters to me, to God, and to others?

Hope is a key to courage. 

The kind of courage that will take you past your weakness and your fear and cause you to become brave and strong. 

Hope is a necessity. 

It isn't a luxury.  Every human heart is shaped with a longing for our eternal purpose to be fulfilled.  This life is not just about getting into the doors of heaven.  It's about what we do now with what we have and it's eternal impact.

You need mentors because you need hope.

This life tends to wear down hope.  It drinks it like afternoon lemonade on a hot summer day.  If you let it, life can leave you dry and empty, looking backwards at what happened to you, rather than ahead toward what can be.

This is why the Word of God satisfies the thirst and hunger of the believer.  It is a mentoring tool provided by the Chief Mentor (God), given to us by the Chief Servant (Christ) and taught to us by the Chief Teacher (the Holy Spirit). 

And it is full of hope.

If you've been without a mentor, then get busy.  Open the Word of God and let it lead you.  Then find a community that will speak to your future in a brave new way.  You can begin right here with us.

Then just leap!

Other Posts That You Will Enjoy:

Mentoring is Fundamentally About Trust

Looking for a Few Good Men

Resource Recommendation:  Hope Prevails

Are You a Good Listener?

I’m not sure how I developed the habit of being a poor listener.

I have several theories:

• I am an only child, therefore I have a life-time habit of listening to myself before I pause to listen to anyone else. (This should explain so many things about me.)

• I am selfish. Although I am an enthusiastic listener, I am often eager for you to get to the end of your point so I can tell you about mine.

• I am impatient. I enjoy conversation so much that sometimes I fall into a dream state where I think we are in perfect step with one another, and that I intuitively know what you are about to say. In eager confirmation of my mind-reading skills, I will burst forth, interrupt and complete your sentence. (I almost never get this right, but somehow I keep right on trying.)

It’s taken me a long time (and a lot of awkward moments) to understand the finer points of conversation and just how far I tend to drift, but it wasn’t until I began to listen to the voice of God that I began to grasp the true value of intentional listening.

Do you need to work on being a better listener? Then sit down with me and we can learn together.

Lead Like a Boss

Have you ever worked for a boss who just would not lead? Or maybe you’ve had the dubious privilege of working for a leader who had high expectations but low communication skills. How about when a leader gives responsibility without the appropriate authority? Or when a leader lacks self-control and uses their emotions to force others into obedience?

It’s so frustrating when a leader doesn’t know how to or simply refuses to lead in a manner that empowers others to work toward success. When this happens, the whole team is stunted, other leaders go around the appointed leader or abandon the team, and results are greatly diminished. No one grows stronger and little is accomplished.

So why don’t leader’s lead well? A lack of self-awareness cripples many of us. It is so important that we know and understand ourselves more fully. We must grasp when our actions, style or behavior impacts others in a positive or negative manner.

A self-aware leader understands their own strengths and weaknesses, considers how their personality and delivery style impacts others and works on improving their communication and collaboration so that others can respond effectively to their leadership. Perfection is not required, but a consistent, humble growth in self-awareness will draw influence and release power.

The vast majority of people who bear responsibility for leading, desire to be an effective leader. However, simply being appointed or even desiring to be a leader doesn’t mean that a person has the character, skill, or courage necessary. Many leaders simply haven’t had the time, training or focus to develop a leadership style that empowers others. In addition, many have failed to make the connection between grace and growth.

When we lead by grace, we demonstrate a courage and confidence in how God created us – and we naturally extend the same grace to those who follow. People follow leaders who exhibit a compassionate understanding of where they are right now while empowering them to make courageous, faithful choices that help them become successful.

When we receive grace we are empowered. When we give grace we empower others.

Grace enables us to change, to become like Christ, to mature, to dream, to experience revelation, to become something and someone more than we have ever been. It involves the tenacious belief in the best version of who God created people to be and it refuses to let those we lead live beneath the vision of God’s highest dreams for their lives.

So how does grace translate to the everyday goals and responsibilities of leadership? What does it look like in the real world of team building?

Here are ten grace-filled tips to help you become a more empowering leader.

1. Go ahead and lead

Leadership development is a life-long process that is forged in the fire of leading. Becoming an empowering leader is not just about communication - talking or listening. It’s actually about what you model; what you do. Leadership inherently includes a responsibility to effectively steward the people, resources and opportunities set before us. So don’t let leadership paralysis overtake you. Whether you have a formal position of leadership or you are simply cultivating a leadership lifestyle, you can begin with what you have and where you are. Consider how you might encourage or help others achieve their goals within your current scope of influence. What strength or resources do you already posses that could be used to serve another’s vision? Set forth and model a leadership style that is worthy of emulating and inspires others to grow in productivity and maturity.

2. Assume people are capable

People tend to rise to our expectations. So what are you expecting? Do you have a fundamental faith in people or a fundamental distrust? If you believe that your team members desire to be successful and to contribute effectively to the mission, then demonstrate that belief by expressing confidence in their abilities. (If you don’t believe these things, then why are they on your team?) When you assume people are capable you will entrust them with assignments and responsibilities that are on the edge of their experience. This is how you find treasure in people. You believe in their potential, not just in their track record. This assumption may cause you some difficulties. After all there has to be room for failure, mistakes and learning curves. You may have to step up and help them accomplish the task or cross the finish line. You won’t know the potential in people until you begin to believe they are capable of more.

3. Cast vision

It is so important to learn to cast vision to your team. Teams, consumers and even communities are more motivated by the why of your mission, than by the how. Casting vision not only defines the “win” but also explains what is expected or required of the team. Often team members need to know “is what I am doing making a difference?” or “what’s the goal?” As you cast vision, make your words “salty”, seasoned with respect and confidence. Don’t expect people to stay excited about the mission if you aren’t excited about the mission. Work hard on improving your own communication skills so that vision casting becomes an inherent part of your leadership style.

4. Take more risks

Risk taking yields great reward. Not only should you take more risks, but consider giving others an opportunity to do the same. Clearly define the measurable and objectives, but leave more room for the strategy and tactics. If everyone has to accomplish every task the same way that you do, then you’ve limited your team and destroyed the creative potential within others. Try giving others more permission; permission to draw their own conclusions, determine their own applications; and steward their own portion of the work. Create meaningful and collaborative learning experiences and release others into greater authority.

5. Allow for and forgive failure

When you entrust and empower people with more confidence and authority, you will also be communicating that they have permission to try again. Failure is not the end. It’s only an opportunity to begin again. Allow others the freedom to make mistakes and they will extend the same grace to you. Take time to debrief all along the way so that you can strategize adjustments for the future and encourage others to try again. Keep your focus on how you can improve and don’t hold a grudge.

6. Provide resources and encouragement

Give people as many tools, training and resources as you can in order to equip them for their responsibilities. Sometimes we approach our mission from an attitude of lack or stinginess, expecting others to “produce more bricks with less hay.” Turn that approach around and generously resource your team for maximum effectiveness. Don’t withhold what is needed to facilitate the vision.

7. Build community

Do you want to accomplish big goals? You’ll need a lot of human resource. Everyone has an innate desire to be a part of something bigger than themselves. Whether you are building a product, selling a service, or leading a life group, you can invite others into your circle of influence so that together you might see a greater return for your investment. This naturally requires human contact. Make more time for people. You can go fast and take along only a few people or you can slow down and take along thousands.

8. Prioritize people over results

I realize this advice is counter culture to most of America’s leadership environments, but when you value people over what they can do for you or with you, you build healthy relationships. When you legitimately care about the people “on the mission” with you, you will naturally build empowering, creative, loyal communities who work more effectively with less supervision. What seems contrary to accomplishing the goal, can actually accelerate the collaboration of team and increase positive outcomes from the bottom line to team loyalty.

9. Be patient

It’s what you do and how you respond when emotions are running high, that reveal if you are an emotionally mature leader. We tend to lean heavily on the intelligence of people (their talents and skills), but it’s our emotional maturity that can trip us up or cause us to break through. People are naturally chaotic. All of us are moving from lost to found and need more grace. Make room in your leadership style to accept people where they are while encouraging them to move toward greater maturity.

10. Take time to celebrate

Often we fail to stop and acknowledge the positive changes and impacts we are looking for. We simply rush to set the next milestone. This can result in discouragement to those who follow. Consider creative measures for recognizing great results. Give away the credit for success to others. Find a way to commemorate important achievements and build reward into your recognition. Public recognition for a job well done inspires the whole team to achieve with excellence and builds tremendous loyalty from the one who is recognized.

Having a team that is empowered and functioning well is the dream of every leader. It will take more than exceptional talent to create that team; it will require the sacrifice of a servant leader mixed with a strong dose of grace.

Are you an empowering leader?

Are You a Safe Person?

A safe person is someone who listens without condemnation, keeps your sharing confidential, and supports and guides you toward the Love of Christ.  John Maxwell

How to provide a safe environment

1. Listen intently while others share using good eye contact and focused attention

2. Share your honest feelings and experiences. Others won't feel safe to share their shameful feelings if you refuse to be real. Authenticity breeds authenticity.

3. Affirm encourage and give specific validations for other self-disclosure. Share with them how their stories have touched you personally. (that must be hard.)

4. Balance sharing time within the group by inviting other members to speak. Listen more speak less. Ask questions instead of telling. Don't try to be the Holy Spirit. Invite him to speak to them.

Mentoring Is About Trust

When I began to dream about the founding of Brave Strong Girl I was in a particularly weak season of life.  I had a strong passion to mentor others in the Spirit-filled walk, but I lacked the capacity, time or resources to do it.

Every example I could imagine wasn't really a fit for me. 

• I didn't have the capacity to engage in much one-on-one mentoring.

• I didn't feel I had the expertise to really become some form of a life coach.

• I felt limited by the idea of becoming a traveling speaker.

• It felt like I lacked time, energy and resources. (Can you relate?)

• On top of all that I had (and still have) other priority responsibilities - wife, mom, daughter and employee.

Yet I longed to form relationships with many others. I guess it's the mom in me - I wanted to help so many be strong and brave when they felt weak and afraid.

Eventually, I changed my focus from what I lacked and decided to move forward with what I had - faith, friends and some real-life experience.

As I pondered what to do, I thought a lot about how mentoring is fundamentally about building trust in a relationship.  It is often accomplished through an informal network of connections and needs.  It naturally bridges gaps in relationships, seasons and even interest.  I wondered how I could build greater trust into my relationships.

Brave Strong Girl is a mentoring platform where you can meet, follow and receive from some of the most trusted women I know.  As you become familiar with the community, I hope you will expand your expectation of mentoring from just one form of relationship to the possibility of many. If you allow us to encourage you through wise counsel, great resources and models of excellence, you will be able to glean richly from this platform. 

You'll soon begin to be more formally introduced and hear from some BSG featured mentors that have impacted my life richly.  You may not get to meet them personally, or engage in a relationship where you visit one another or talk on the phone daily.  But none the less, you can draw from their well to water your garden.

The same is true of our collection of blogs and resources.  There is so much wisdom here for those who are willing to seek it.

We aren't yet ready to form community at BSG that is based upon a face-to-face gathering.  (Don't worry - I've got dreams in my heart for this and I am prayerfully deciding how to make a way for us to gather - both digitally and eventually, in person.)  We have so much to look forward to.

So here's what I'm asking you to do now:

1)  Subscribe to our community.  (You will receive free gifts to get your started and you will be among the first to know about new content, upcoming events and anything new related to BSG.) I promise not to spam you and I will not share your contact information.

2) Follow us on Facebook and Pinterest and share, share, share.

3) Join our new Facebook Group.  This will be our first "meet up" location.  This is simple, easy and fun.  If you join the group you will be much more likely to see BSG in your feed and you will help us by getting the message into the feeds of others who have not even heard about our resources yet.  I'll be asking you for feedback and insight.  We will help one another.

So for now, I hope you will trust me and take advantage of this on-line community where you can begin to form a sense of belonging right here in the midst of your digital world. 

Together, we can mentor thousands of others, one brave strong girl at a time.

Why I Care About the World?

Are You Listening?

There are many things I don’t understand.

When I don’t understand, I tend to think and think and think. (That’s a nice way to say I worry a problem to death.)

If I am still bugged by the answer I can’t seem to find, I begin to talk and talk and talk at God.

He waits and waits and waits.

When I finally grow quiet, only then am I ready to listen.

Is there something you need to understand? Settle down. Grow quiet and listen to God.

Have you been pruned?

Do you feel like you’ve been pruned? Cut back? Sharply shaped without your permission? You are not alone. A part of me too is all rough edges, exposed emotions and sappy branches.

In what seemed like a moment, the entire world experienced a sharp and swift pruning of our lives. We were sent home to protect us from an enemy that is invisible and deadly. Our “sheltering at home” will either become place of safety and healing or they will become prisons of pain and fear.

Why would God prune the entire world, all at one time? We can find some understanding In John 15. Jesus reveals the Father as a farmer who cares for his vineyard through pruning so that what is “cut back” will become even more fruitful.

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There is only one reason that God prunes a fruitful vine and that is to make it more fruitful. He prunes an unfruitful vine as well, but that vine is clipped off as deadwood, never to reproduce again.

You and I are sitting on the cusp of a great revival of faith in Jesus.

Believers have been called into their personal prayer closets. In private, He is tending to our pruned branches, preparing them to bear more weight - more fruit - more of His glory.

Those who have not yet heard the good news or who might have even rejected or ignored the gospel are experiencing the same pruning as a moment of grace whereby their fear and pain can make way for His healing, rescue and His salvation.

Prepare yourself now to share your testimony tomorrow. The whole world is being “ripened” so that man might listen and believe.

How to Overcome Negative Thoughts

Are you currently facing unexpected and fearful consequences or changes due to the pandemic? Maybe your fears or negative thoughts are centered around concerns for your health, or the stress on your marriage, or maybe you are struggling because there is so much ambiguity in this moment.

Many times we can’t control the circumstances of our lives. Events happen. Changes come. Sometimes we swing “up” in emotion and sometimes we spiral “down.”

My friend, Nanette Eiland, just experienced an unexpected change of her own.

“On Monday, I received a call letting me know my position was being eliminated.”

Nanette, not being one to allow the enemy an opportunity to add his torment to a difficult moment, quickly turned to God’s Word for help.

In this video blog, Nanette and I visit about her journey over the past few weeks. We talk about how she’s coping and what she is doing to keep her fear and negative thoughts from ruling her mind and heart in this moment.

I hope you are encouraged and empowered by this conversation and that you too, will use God’s Word to overcome fear and negative thoughts.

Stay with it all the way to the end and I will bless you with a prophetic word!

Looking for Direction?

“Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ.

So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, mericiful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising Him always. ”

— Phillipians 4:6-8 (The Passion Translation)

“We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God and break through every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. We capture, like prisoners of war, every thought and insist that it bow in obedience to the anointed one. ”

— 2 Corinthians 10:5 (The Passion Translation)

How to Overcome Insecurity

Holly Wagner is such an empower of others.  She not only leads well - she raises up others who lead well.  I've been blessed by her counsel and wisdom so many times - and of course she's also a breast cancer survivor.  She's my sister, my friend, a mentor, a role model. That's why I'm so excited to be invited to share on her GodChicks Blog under another arm of her ministry called She Leads!

Today, I'm sharing about my own story of  "Overcoming Insecurity."  I hope you'll check it out and if you find it helpful, please share with others who could relate.

More than my blog - there are lots of resources here for your benefit.  If you are a woman in ministry, this is just for you. Here's what She Leads is all about!

We believe in your potential as a leader in ministry. You have been given unique abilities and gifts to serve the Body of Christ. You have been divinely purposed to bring strength and leadership in your home, in your friendships, in your local church, in your communities, and beyond. Basically, we think you are pretty amazing.

And we also believe you don’t have to figure it all out on your own! That’s where we come in.

She Leads exists to connect, inspire and resource women in ministry today.

We know that leading in ministry looks unique for each of us, and we are all facing different obstacles and challenges as we lead. Here at She Leads, we want to learn from one another and the different experiences and perspectives we have. We also want to support and cheer one another on, celebrating moments of progress and victory. And we want to expose you to experts in different areas of leadership and ministry as a way to resource you as you bravely and boldly lead in life.

She Leads is here for you! We believe in you! Our prayer is that as you read one of the weekly articles below, view one of our leadership conversations, tune in for an interactive webcast, or join us for a live gathering that you feel connected to women in leadership from around the globe, equipped to lead right where you are and inspired to fulfill your God-given potential!

–Holly Wagner

So if you are a woman who wants to lead others well, be sure to sign up for her email updates.  You'll be blessed!

How to Overcome Anxiety And Worry

All of us struggle with fear and anxiety, but you and I were not made to bear the kind of fear that generates a constant flow of anxiety and worry. It’s not good for us and it’s not fruitful. This video reminds us that we are called to be worry-free and to resist the kind of anxiety that is crippling.

This video is included in Gateway Church’s Fresh Start Bible series called “Fresh Start Journey” by Pastor Jimmy Evans. Open your Bible and follow along with me. This is question #33.

Matthew 6:25-33

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

• This video is a part of a 52-part series designed for new believers from Gateway Church. Each video answers a common and pressing questions from all of Christianity and is designed to help YOU develop a more intimate relationship with God. You can access all 52 videos on the Gateway Discipleship Resources Youtube channel. Be sure to subscribe to the channel so you can access all of the great resources provided for your spiritual development.

How to Overcome Loneliness

Are you experiencing loneliness? You are not alone. Millions of people around the world are dealing with a new and uncomfortable reality - They are alone.

Whether you are single, isolated by the virus, a widow or even a single parent suddenly home with your family, the sensation of being disconnected from everything you know can make you feel alone.

In this Vblog, I am visiting with my special guest and long-time friend, Chelsea Seaton, who is a 30-something professional young woman who owns her own home and happens to be single. In obedience to the “shelter at home” order, she found herself home alone for weeks, eventually discovering what it feels like to be lonely.

Chelsea offers a Biblical understanding of loneliness along with some practical tips for how to emotionally connect and engage with others.

This is a little longer than my usual videos so grab a cup of coffee and spend about 20 minutes with me and Chelsea.